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Describe a person who has had an influence in you (my tuition teacher)


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Mar 23, 2010   #1
The deadline for the admission is looming. Your help is greatly appreciated. Here it goes

If it was not for her, I would not have progressed this far. To most of us, primary school education is a fun fill joyfulness but to me it was a painstaking experience. All my classmates would be scoring full marks or close to it but my score would be barely reaching the pass mark. I had several tuition teachers but none of them was like her. She was my turning point in my life. Her patience and faith she had on me made me preserve. No matter how long I took to absorb the facts, she neither give up nor lost her patience on me. Once it took me about 3 hours to observe the pattern in term of reading the clock. She never lost it. She was very innovative, as she gets hold anything nearby and use it as a teaching tool just to get me understand and have a good grasp of what she had taught. She was always kind and genuine.

Apart from tutoring, she had other commitments. Even till today, I admire her time management. She had to look after her family, her career and she was also upgrading herself, even in her forties. It inspired me. She had an everlasting thirst for knowledge. Ever since then it is my passion to attain all-rounded education. Despite her hectic schedule, she gave her best in tutoring. It is from her I learn to strive for the best and give the best in whatever I do.

I am sure I can be the one who could make a difference in someone else life. Its my passion and desire to give back to the community whom had shaped me of what I am today. ( basically over here i'm trying to say that i would like to help those in need as a contribution to those had shaped my life)

comet2000 10 / 48  
Mar 24, 2010   #2
There are people out there, academically weak. (i don't think this sentence should be there.) I am sure I can be the one who made a difference in their life. Its my passion and desire to give back to the community of what I have gained from them. what have you gain? maybe you can like talk about that?Thank you Mrs Malika for being there for me. (i don't think this sentence should be there.)
OP save 1 / 2  
Mar 24, 2010   #3
Hi comet2000, thanks for editing my essay. Below i've done the corrections.
Do feel free to comment on how else i can improve it. Thanks in advance.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,324 129  
Mar 24, 2010   #4
Use a comma:
All my classmates would be scoring full marks or close to it, but my score would be barely reaching the pass mark.

Even till today, I still admire her time management. She had to look after her family, her career, and her process of upgrading herself. even in her forties.

I am sure I can be the kind of person who makes a difference in the life of someone else.
Good! Make that last paragraph a little longer.
OP save 1 / 2  
Mar 29, 2010   #5
ok thanks for the corrections kevin. i'll make the changes.


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