A personal statement for university
In junior high school period, I was chosen as a leader of drama club in our school. In the beginning, I joined the drama club because of my curiosity and some interest in acting. However, the more practices I did, the more love and passion I found in drama. We have done many shows during the lesson of drama expression, I extremely enjoy doing stage performance, but I prefer to work behind the screen, such as screenwriting or drama directing. Joined the drama club brings my dream more possibilities, I've also found out my interest in acting even in film and television.Furthermore, I started to focus on making movie since I was in senior high school. In order to learn more deeply about filmmaking, I participated in the filmmaking club. We spent almost five months completing a movie, CLASS 203. Even though it's a difficult works, I still got a kick out of it. Although I worked as a director in that film, I made an attempt at learning learning other abilities, like film-shooting and movie-editing when we were filming. For me, those are not only my valuable experience, but also an important process to make me sure that I want to be a filmmaker in the future!@s890217
I think you should explain a little more about what is the program you are applying to and what are the requirements for the personal statement, for instance, word limit. However, as a general advice, you should avoid the use of all contraction such as don't, I've, it's and so on. it looks informal for a personal statement for university!
you also should split the content into three or four paragraphs. and you must use a more formal vocabulary, I think you use some phrases that would lead you to a fail attempt. You should include in every example of what you did an explanation of what you learned from that, what skill you got from that experience.
Even though it's a difficult work, I still got a kick out of it.
I hope you find this helpful and good luck with your application!
Yi Lin,
Your activities are interesting, but you didn't show much enthusiasm on your essay. You also should split it into more paragraphs and attempt to grammar and vocabulary use.
We have done many shows ... You presented two different ideas and didn't use any conjunction to connect them.
You also should show how your experiences affected and stimulated you to dig deeper into filmmaking, instead of just saying that it was an "important process to make me ..." - show how passionate you are about it
Overall, I wish you success on your application!
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,797 
4780 @s890217, what is the word maximum requirement on this paper? I am asking about that because you were asked to write a personal statement essay, which should have been at 250 words long at the most. This paper does not accurately represent the development of your interest in film making, the foundation of your abilities. This is the essay where to get to brag about your achievements as an amateur film maker. Even if it is only an experience taking videos of your pet dog burying his favorite bone. Let the reviewer know that you have been preparing for this career your whole life by indicating that you attended some seminars or training programs for enthusiasts. Describe how your interests grew from the influence of these activities and learning groups Simply joining the drama club and working on a group movie isn't going to impress the reviewer. He needs to see an individualized focus on the development of this interest through your own experience as say, an amateur documentary film maker. Be individualized in your treatment of this discussion. Group participation will not impress the reviewer because of the set up of the system. By the way, never end any sentence in an academic paper with an exclamation point. Don't shout at the reader. Just discuss. Always close with a period.
I liked your essay, but I think your essay is too short. You can explain more about what do you like about drama. What is your plan for your future, and how do you want to achieve it. Anyway, your essay well constructed but it is too short.
Good Luck! :)
