Describe a problem, possibly related to your area of study, which you would like to solve. Explain its importance to you and what actions you would take to solve this issue.
During my 16 years of stay in Ethiopia I have faced many problems such as poverty, Drought, Famine, dictatorship and so on. however, the lack of electricity is the one I wish to fix implementing my areas of studies on physics and Engineering.
Growing up in Ethiopia without electricity was challenging, we didn't have no other option but to use kerosene lamps to light our homes which was often dangerous. I still have the burn scar on my right hand which reminds that I was relatively fortunate compared to my various neighbors who lost their house, families, as well as lives due to the danger of kerosene lamps. In addition to that the unavailability of electricity has negatively impacted mine as well as millions of student's educations, I was often unable to read or even complete my assignments and homework's due to the lack of electricity. And so I plan to edify myself in the fields of natural science such as Electrical Engineering and physics that will equip me the necessary tools to design a new electrical system solving this major problem which will decrease poverty, drought, famine and increase the literacy level, producing more educated and responsible individuals around the world.
Aside from the grammar problems that the essay has, which I will be helping to address later in this review, you have developed a very personal response to a problem that plagues a nation. This has become a much better essay because of your approach. It shows that you are a selfless person who is concerned about the national, rather than individual effects of a shared problem. Good work. Now, about the grammar problems...
...poverty, Drought, Famine, drought and famine...
... and so on . h However...
... to fix BY implementing...
...have no ANY other...
... addition to that,...
... impacted mine MY
I plan to edify EDUCATE...
...me WITH the...
By the way, please divide the essay into paragraphs representing each prompt question so that it will be easier for the admissions officer to read.
