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Describe qualifications / abilities and attributes. Application to the Kelley School of Business


lurkerotherwise 1 / -  
Feb 6, 2016   #1
---Prompt---
In 250 words or more, write an essay describing the qualifications you have to make you a strong candidate for this program. What abilities and attributes would you like to develop more fully? Please pay particular attention to grammar, punctuation, and spelling. Unprofessional and poorly written essays will result in your application being rejected.

---Essay---
I believe that the multitude of courses that I have taken makes me a significant candidate for the Kelley School of Business at IUPUI. I have taken courses to magnify my ability to present and speak in front of others, allowing me to become more valuable to the business world. I have developed a passion for learning about the details of a business; in particular, the marketing and supply chain aspects. Marketing is the sector that provides income and seems the most vital to me; whereas supply chain management has intrigued me as a new field of study.

I believe that I am a strong candidate for the Kelley School of Business due to my constant drive towards teamwork, progress, and excessive interest in projects. I enjoy working within a team, as it allows me to focus on a specific task while also contributing to the project. This has allowed me to strive for progress as an individual as well as a team member. Momentum in a project results in a strong attachment to it. I enjoy the progress in hopes of achieving a final goal. I strive for knowledge and believe that the Kelley School of Business would be the optimal direction to engage my majors.

I believe that my current internship at Snider Insurance Group will extend my knowledge with information that can further present me as a strong candidate for the Kelley School of Business. Currently I am creating an advertising campaign to recruit employees. I have learned incredible team working skills as well as leadership skills while working with the employees there. The Snider Insurance Group has also equipped me with time management and professional skills that I would otherwise not have acquired.

I believe that I can further progress in my student career through the Kelley School of Business. I am a strong team member but would also like to gain an understanding of how to be an effective leader. I would also like to increase my professional understandings to impress my team's worth upon clients. I view the Kelley School of Business as a means to get a different perspective on the business environment that other, lesser business school could not provide me.

I believe that the Kelley School of Business will provide me a competitive edge for my future careers through its prestigious staff and rigorous curriculum. The Kelley School of Business is among the top 20 business schools as stated by U.S. News. I have experienced, first hand, that the Kelley School of Business will prepare me with knowledge beyond the curriculum within the classroom. Professors, such as Roger Ortman, Joseph Keller, and Victoria Spartz, have enlightened me along with other students with real-life examples from their professional careers. Information comparable to their knowledge is valuable because the only other way to experience equal situations would be to encounter them firsthand.

I believe that I will be more prepared than the competition when I graduate with a business degree from The Kelley School of Business.

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Feb 7, 2016   #2
Abrar, you should vary the opening sentences of your paragraphs. You can't always say "I believe" because that causes reading fatigue. Try to mix up your opening a bit, Make it sound more interesting and informative. At this point, your work sounds more like a testimonial than an application essay.

I believe that the multitude of courses that I have taken makes me a significant candidate for the Kelley School of Business at IUPUI.
- Where did you graduate from? How did your study at that university help you better prepare for the rigorous curriculum of the Kelley School of Business? What were your strongest subjects? Your weakest? That is the information that should follow this claim. Right now all you have are generic and misleading statements. Offer verifiable information instead. Change the rest of the paragraph.

I believe that I am a strong candidate [....] optimal direction to engage my majors.
- Go directly to the information about your current internship. That better proves your attributes as a student and potential professional. At this point, you should also mention what your weak points in terms of actual are and how you feel that advanced studies can help you improve those failure points. Don't try to come across as a strong individual, the reviewer will not believe that. Define your weak points clearly and explain how the university can help you develop your skills further.

I believe that the Kelley School of Business will [....] degree from The Kelley School of Business.
- These 2 paragraphs are irrelevant to the prompt, offers repetitive information that the reviewer already knows about his school, makes claims that you may not be able to deliver on, and basically, just don't belong in the essay because it does not deal directly with any of the prompt requirements.


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