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Describe the world you come from; "My dream of shaping the world" - MIT Essay


Silleth 3 / 10 3  
Dec 9, 2012   #1
Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?(*) (200-250 words)

I often travel out of country during the summer. Exposure to different cultures gives insight into how blessed you are and teaches gratitude. As a child I never realized my bliss until I went back to my home country, Vietnam, two years ago. I was awestricken when I saw the profoundness of the poverty. There were homeless people everywhere. I had never witnessed people who had nothing yet gave everything to survive. Their life style was like a cruel punishment but not stopping to help felt too inhumane.

This experience changed how I view the world and opened my eyes to the injustice of the social system. I wanted to make a difference and help people in need. It was my newfound dream and I was determined to make my dream a reality. As months passed, this dream became more and more abstract. Then I had an epiphany! I went back to Vietnam for a visit and initiated my Vietnam Personal Relief Project. Since my last visit, I managed to save $2000 to donate to charity but now, I had the opportunity to personally deliver it.

My summer vacation consisted of planning events and hulling bags of rice to distribute to the people. It was all hard manual labor but seeing those pained faces smiling touched my heart. They helped me realize that I could do anything if I put my mind to it. I was inspired and motivated because of the opportunity I had to give to others.

If it's not too much trouble, do you guys mind proofreading this one too? Please and thank you!

We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it. (*)(100 words or fewer)

As my fingers waltz along the ivory keys, I can feel my mind swaying to the rhythmic melody emitting from the wooden framework. I adore playing its classical tune. Piano has some ineffable quality that allowed me to lose myself and escape reality. Just for a moment, I can shape the world to my predilection. Piano has became a part of me, it defines who I am and has allowed me to express myself in a way that makes words pale in comparison. It is something I would not give up for the world.
yisha 6 / 33 8  
Dec 9, 2012   #2
Hi, Silleth
Your essays are convincing and impressive!
And here are some comments

They helped me realize that I could do anythingsuccessfully make achievements if I put my minddetermined to it.

I was inspired and motivated because of the opportunity I had to give to others.

I think the last sentence is a bit random. You can revise it and make it follow closely.

I think you can mention your achievement on piano such as the competitions, piano grading exam and how long you've learnt it.
OP Silleth 3 / 10 3  
Dec 9, 2012   #3
@arunesh Why thank you :)
@yisha You're right, I'll just remove the last sentence out and revise it previous one to

They helped me realize that I could achieve anything with determination.


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