Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs,school,community,city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?(*) (200-250 words)
To understand where I come from, I have to take you half way around the world, to the small town of Thrissur, to the roots of my namesake, my grandfather, Parameswar. In a small village at the southern tip of India, my grandfather, an elementary school dropout, lived with my grandmother and seven kids. With no education, and no training, my grandfather supported his large family through multiple small businesses he owned. Utilizing a deep understanding of machinery and engineering, accrued through experience, he strove to make ends meet through entrepreneurship. My dad grew up in this house of leaky roofs and puddles, but he was also surrounded by business. He was involved with multiple family ventures, and he saw firsthand the difficulties of self employment.
My father came to America, with only $100 in his hand, dreaming of higher education in engineering. Now two decades later, he has established a software company, mixing engineering with commerce. Through him, I too have seen the ups and downs of business. Just as my dad saw my grandfather struggling to put food on the table, I have seen my dad go through a bankruptcy, fighting to keep his company alive. I have seen the difficulties of a business, and yet I remain positive.
My father brought the family entrepreneurial spirit to America, now I hope to take the spirit to the world. Knowing the difficulties of building a business, I cannot dream of anything other than the uncertain path of an entrepreneur.
Please let me know what you think. Thanks in advance!
Great essay overall!
Just a few small things, to make it clearer...
and their seven kids
(if i'm not mistaken?)
no education and no training (take out comma)
"He was involved with multiple family ventures, and he saw firsthand the difficulties of self employment"
Maybe change "difficulties" to "challenges and rewards"? Just to match with the "ups and downs".
Now, two decades later
now I hope to pass on that spirit to the world
and yet I remain positive
Explain why you are positive (perhaps, link it to your background in a clearer way).
To understand explain where I come from, I have to take you half way around the world, to the small town of Thrissur, to the roots of my namesake: my grandfather, Parameswar.
This is absolutely brilliant, fascinating. You should introduce the theme of entrepreneurship earlier in the essay -- perhaps as the 2nd or 3rd sentence.
