Describing an issue related to the college where I will study and stating my own opinion

the press of my country, Indonesia, is an adherent of 'Social Responsibility' theory, which is free to publish any information but still bounded by moral values. But I think this freedom exactly cause many infractions of ethic code. Furthermore when it is concerned with the company importance, every news are seems right, either it is good for public or not.

For the obvious example, when here was a genenal election of president, I found that different tv channel reported diferrent result of the voices counting. Each other mentioned the different winner of the election, appropriated with their candidate, even although it was national event. Certainly it made people were bewildered and confused which one was true.

In my opinion, the media mass lost their honor and many betterments are needed. the government must be braver to regulate and give punishment for them, and campaigning their own mass media which is definitely educational is also good step.

Please help me correct this essay and make this essay looks interesting :) thanks for any answer

Ainur, before we can help you improve this essay, you first have to provide us with a copy of the prompt that you were given by the university. That is the only way we can understand what kind of information the essay is supposed to contain and how you are expected to discuss it. At the moment, I cannot make any sense of your answers due to the lack of instruction on your part.

By the way, at first glance, I noticed that you have a tendency to disregard the capitalization of the first word in a sentence. This is glaring as an error in the first sentence of your essay. Review the content for such problems and correct them. You are writing an academic paper and not a text message. So the rules of grammar apply in this case. Be mindful of the way you write and compose your sentences.

Right now, the essay that you have written is too short and under developed. I am not sure about which parts to develop further, revise, and possibly delete at this point. I just have a general understanding and review of your essay. Once I receive the proper instructions, I will be able to better analyze and advise you regarding content, structure, and improvements to be made to the essay.