Desi. Common Application Essay - "Underrepresented"

Hello! I'm writing an essay for RISD and SCAD and I want to know if I am answering the prompt given to me throughly as well as fixing grammar errors. Thank you!

Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.

not intended to love myself

For the first two years of highschool, I was still stuck in my "childhood". I wouldn't do basic school work like completing assignments or study. I didn't think of the repercussions of what I was doing at the time, and the thought of college or what I wanted to do in the future didn't cross my mind. I thought four years was a long time, and I'd figure it out what wanted to do somehow.

Then, the summer before junior year rolled around. I stayed with my cousins for a while and adapted to their early morning tradition, watching cartoons while eating breakfast. However on one Saturday morning my cousins, both young and old, ran to the living room even before grabbing food and turned on the TV. I was curious, to see family members older than me getting excited about a cartoon was odd. The show seemed normal until one character showed up. My cousins, especially the younger ones, started whooping, "Hey she's in this episode!". This one character, Connie, an Indian girl with desi features that included a big nose and dark skin, was revealed as one of the main characters of the show. I couldn't believe it, a girl of my ethnicity shown in a kid's cartoon? For a second I thought I was dreaming, but I wasn't, this was real.

I'm aware of the underrepresentation desi folk have. As a kid, I remember seeing cartoons where the characters would talk about how to "love yourself", but even at a young age, I knew they weren't talking about me. That kid on TV with blond hair and blue eyes is talking to a specific group of people. How am I supposed to 'love myself' if the creators couldn't illustrate a character of my descent without treating us like a joke? Most of the time, other characters would either make fun of how we look or some stereotype relating to our personality. I vividly remember as a child despising myself because I wasn't "white enough". I gave up on hope for better representation, so for the writers of Steven Universe to create a character who's is this smart, strong, and beautiful young girl of color that is taken seriously by the other characters affected me a lot. I finally had a hero to call my own.

I was pleasantly surprised to see that I wasn't the only one affected so strongly by the show. I found a huge community on the internet made of both children and adults who relate to Steven Universe in the same way I have, and just like me wanted more cartoons similar to the show. That's when I figured out what I wanted to do in the future, I wanted to become an artist that creates a world filled with different kinds of characters so when people watch it their first reaction to seeing it is to not ever be ashamed of who they are

However, I knew that for my goal to become successful I needed to change my working habits. This was the moment where I transitioned into adulthood. I started to focus on my studies as well as participate in extracurricular activities such as volunteer work, after school clubs, and earning and internship. I also took art seriously, I started drawing several hours a day and take art classes in and outside of school. I hated the past years of my life, but I don't completely regret everything I did. I feel I'm able to work hard now because of what I've done in the past. The change from being a 'child to an 'adult' wasn't easy, but I know for sure that I am not going back.

Hi Izzy, you wrote a very interesting personal essay that can best be used as a background story, not as a response to this essay. It would be best if you consider writing a new essay that better reflects a time in your life when you proved that you had a newfound sense of responsibility or, an ability that is normally associated with a coming of age in your family or community. There was no actual coming of age story in this particular narrative, which is why it does not properly respond to the prompt. What you have to reflect in your narrative is a sense of how the people older than you gave you a higher sense of responsibility or respect upon proof of your maturity. These events normally include, but are not limited to rites of passage in your community (e.g. fishing, hunting, successfully assisting in an adult task) or normally accepted events (e.g. getting your drivers license, traveling alone for the first time). All of which are events that, upon completion, allows your family or community members to realize a more mature version of you as a person, who is ready to face the adult world, such as college, alone.