Essay Option 1Emory University welcomes first-year students with two distinct options to begin their liberal arts education: the research-infused Emory College or the smaller, experiential learning Oxford College. If you could create an academic course that is in the Emory University spirit of collaboration, creativity, entrepreneurship and inquiry, what would it be? What impact would the course have on you and your classmates' educational experience? (500 word limit)
If I were to create a course at Emory it would be centered on learning about the different cultures within the university itself. The best way to understand and appreciate diversity is to see its effects on our community. Emory is filled with students from all parts of the global with mixed races and cultures, so the class will consist of students from different backgrounds. Also instead of having one professor giving a lecture, the students will be doing most of the teaching and participation. Students will create projects and be expected to participate in activities that exposes them to new surroundings and way of life. Each student is expected to gain new insight about each other's cultures and religion. The then course will continue by class discussion about the different cultures and belief systems that exist. We will explore the barriers that makes us different, and determine why each culture functions the way it does. By the end of the course students will have new found respect for each other's belief systems and awareness about the variety of cultures that exist within their community.
Diversity is often overlooked and undermined by humans. Society has yet to accept the idea that differences is what makes us all special. America shows the beauty in diversity, a melting pot filled with a variety of races cultures and ethnicity. Yet with all these, even in the 20th century people suffer from racial and cultural discrimination. All the hatred that arises from discrimination comes from the lack of education about the differences that separate us. Ignorance can shut our minds to the possibilities and knowledge gained from learning about different cultures. However if we are educated at young to appreciate and enhance this diversity, things like racism and discrimination won't have a place to exist.
Mismak, you actually need to reposition your paragraphs in the essay because the best introductory paragraph with the hook that will keep the admissions officer reading was accidentally developed as your second paragraph instead. Please place the following quote in the place of you current first paragraph:
If I were to create a course at Emory it would be centered [...] variety of cultures that exist within their community.
Bring the current introductory paragraph down as your second paragraph. Then read the essay from the very beginning. That is what I did and i noticed a distinct change in the flow of the paper. It became smoother and better connected to one another. I hope you will see the same thing :-) I made my suggestion based upon the repositioned paragraph placement and it worked for me. Let me know if it works the same way for you :-)
thank you it does give it a good intro
was that the only thing i should fix
Mismak, you only need to fix the introduction in my opinion. The rest of the essay works well towards answering the requirements of the prompt. If you feel that you should add information or remove certain information from the essay then that is your decision. Whatever you decide to do, we will help you either clean it up and help you understand why it is not necessary or why it does not help the essay move forward towards answering the prompt. You actually answered it quite well in my opinion. all the elements for a strong and relevant answer in your response. I am most specially impressed by how you were able to explain how different the course you developed would be from the course that Emory currently offers. A word of advice though, try to come up with a creative and distinct name for the course so that you can show that you have given a great thought and consideration to the academic course design that you are suggesting. Aside from that, I believe that we just need to clean up the grammatical errors that are in the essay after the repositioning of the paragraphs are completed :-)
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If I were to create a course at Emory, it would be centered on learning about the different cultures in the world. The best way to understand and appreciate diversity is to see its effects on our community. Emory is full of students from all parts of the global with mixed races and cultures, these students will especially be able to benefit from this course. Instead of having one professor giving a lecture, the students will be the ones who are teaching and participating. Students will create projects and participate in activities that expose them to new ideas. Each student will be able to gain insight about the culture and religion of others. The course will be enhanced by class discussion about the different cultures and belief systems that exist. Students will explore the barriers that makes them different, and determine why each culture functions the way it does. By the end of the course, students will have new found respect for each other's belief systems and awareness about the variety of cultures that exist within their community.
Diversity is often overlooked and undermined by humans. Society has yet to accept the idea that our differences is what makes us special. Even in the 20th century people suffer from racial and cultural discrimination. The hatred that arises from discrimination comes from the lack of knowledge about the differences that separate us. Ignorance can shut our minds to the possibilities and the knowledge that can be gained from learning about different cultures. However, if we are educated at a young age to appreciate and be aware of this diversity, things like racism and discrimination will not be a problem.
At Emory University there are many international studies and humanities courses that teach the history and importance of diversity. The courses spark interest in students to pursue a careers that protects minorities from discrimination and allows society to have a more diverse community. Although these courses help student learn from studying the past and its effects, they don't technically help students see diversity in a new light. It takes more than learning about historical facts coming from books and documents to fully understand the importance of diversity. Instead of focusing externally to gain this knowledge, we should look for it closer to home. It's through interactions and exposure students can fully gain understanding. By being taught the cultural from students with that background enhances the educational process, giving it more depth.
One benefit that come from students sharing cultures is an enriching educational experience. The understanding and reverence that is gained for other cultures creates a complaisant environment that strengthens a community. The knowledge gained through this exposure not only shows the difference in our beliefs but also the similarities. Two students from completely different backgrounds can agree and share a similar perspective on certain topics mentioned during discussions. The shared experiences illuminates the idea of equality and respect students can have for one another, overall improving their ethics in teamwork.
MIsmak, I am of the opinion that this is the better developed version of the essay. You were able to clearly show the importance of the course you would develop for Emory and how different it would be from their current course offering which was created by the university along the same lines as yours. There is a successful defense of the difference between the two courses and a clear idea as to why and how the students would benefit from enrolling in both courses. This is an interesting take on what should have been a redundant course offering. If you feel that there is something else that you can add to the essay to make it better, please do so and post it here so that we can further review it in terms of proper paragraph placement and the like. My belief however, is that this essay is ready for submission as it is :-)
thank you so much for your comments and advise it was extremely helpful