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'its destiny is change' - UC Personal #2


misserinlee9 2 / 16  
Nov 29, 2011   #1
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

I crafted the cover myself. It's a random collage of torn bits out of a magazine; thrown together and painted over with Elmer's glue in a fleeting gasp of late night inspiration. There exists a single brown eye paired with an unmatching mouth, a faded turquoise wooden wall, navy paisley, a woman clutching her black sun hat in a gust of wind, a lonely, vintage vase of white roses looming on a nightstand, all thrown together with whatever else I unearthed. I knew this would be the journal I actually write in.

It is my own piece of beautiful, creative chaos; the ebb and flow of my mental state, contained in one small spiral bound notebook. It breathes and moves as I write, sometimes fast paced, hard and cynical, or calm and reflective, gloomy or exultant.

I write letters to myself. I address letters to inanimate objects and individuals who will never read them. Sharply angled, dark penciled drawings mark the margins, and on occasion a page will contain only a single sentence. There are lists of what I love, hate, what I know will change and what won't, what I would do given all the time in the world. Favorite songs, lyrics, and quotations litter the pages, random and somewhat irrelevant. Often, cynicism surfaces and my language leaps up to bite anyone who dares read. Then it seems as if I discover the meaning of life, and everything gloriously spreads itself in front of me, and just when I believed myself happy, reality claws at the door again and sends me spiraling back down into cynicism.

Now after a solid two years and four journals, I see. I see that no matter how many times I discover my purpose, its destiny is change. Meaning emerges not from a single revelation, but a series of many- a collage of torn out ideas and philosophies that, however random, all make their home on the looking glass through which I see my life. They create a cover, if you will, and life is the journal I actually write in.

BikeBro 2 / 4  
Nov 29, 2011   #2
This is really great! I would maybe edit it to more directly answer the prompt though
OP misserinlee9 2 / 16  
Nov 29, 2011   #4
Any and all help is MUCH appreciated :)
Livestrong1313 2 / 13  
Nov 29, 2011   #5
Good job first off. You have a well written piece here. I agree with BikeBro though that it could address the prompt a little better. You did a great job with the opening and using a specific situation. Your language was very artistic.

A few other things though:
-your wording in your second paragraph is a little awkward. Maybe rearrange it to follow grammar rules a little better (unless your were going for that type of sentence). Insert "it is" before 'the ebb and flow' for a better flow.

-Also you use the personification of the notebook very nicely, but the sentence seems to be a run on sentence and it is awkwardly phrased. Maybe shorten it or separate it out

-In that same sentence discussed above you list a variety of writing moods "cynical, gloomy" etc. Maybe discuss the other moods than just cynical in your essay.

-"Then it seems as if I discover the meaning of life, and everything gloriously spreads itself in front of me, and just when I believed myself happy, reality claws at the door again and sends me spiraling back down into cynicism" While this sentence is beautifully written it seems a tad depressing. Not sure how you could lighten in up exactly, but you could discuss one of your happier "writing" moods after this one to lighten up the entire essay.

-Add a little more comentarry on how your journals changed you and impacted your life and you will have answered the prompt more directly.
-Your conclusion is great, but it doesn't address the prompt very well, if this were a creative writing assignment then it would be perfect, but you might want to reconsider it because of the prompt. You could keep it in the essay, but maybe just move it to another spot.

Overall good job and good luck.
P.S. Thanks for your comment on my essay :)
OP misserinlee9 2 / 16  
Nov 29, 2011   #6
Thank you! And you're welcome.. I also wrote on the other one of yours. Loving the feedback.. helps a lot!
Livestrong1313 2 / 13  
Nov 29, 2011   #7
Your definetly right about that. I would love to see the edited version once its finished for a final check (if you'd like).
OP misserinlee9 2 / 16  
Nov 29, 2011   #8
I'll post it here once I get the chance to edit. I am currently still laboring over the first prompt.. it's a tricky one! :D
earynnm 3 / 9  
Nov 29, 2011   #9
Great essay, I agree with everyone else address the prompt more directly. This essay is definately an essay admission advisors will remember!
Livestrong1313 2 / 13  
Nov 29, 2011   #10
Ya I am working on that first prompt too, good luck haha
Mjkaur 2 / 12  
Nov 29, 2011   #11
Amazingggg work
I am inspired by some of ur points :)
You did great work
Kevinho 1 / 3  
Nov 29, 2011   #12
Very good essay i must say
OP misserinlee9 2 / 16  
Nov 29, 2011   #13
Thanks everyone! I just posted my reply to prompt #1.. I would really appreciate any feedback on that one as well if you can :)


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