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Destroy it. I was raised in a family that was essentially built on nothing.


szheng 2 / 2  
Oct 26, 2011   #1
Destroy it. I struggled with what to write, but somehow I managed to pull this out of my ass. Critique my grammar, the idea, just everything.

I was raised in a family that was essentially built on nothing. My family had emigrated from Fuzhou, China, a large trading region in south east China. My father often described the city he grew up in as an empty waste land full of mountains and wild animals wandering the streets. He always told me that people that came from this region had exceptional business minds and had left to become successful entrepreneurs and leaders in the business field. I never doubted my father's words, because he was living proof.

My father's words are my biggest influence on my ambition in business. However, they are not an influence on my personal passion of business. Before I had even become of legal age to obtain a job, I was already determined to gain as much experience as I could. However, unlike my ancestors, I would not be doing odd jobs or opening small restaurants. Also, I did not spend my time babysitting or mowing my neighbor's lawns, like others my age. Instead, I used my connections with my close friends. I got my first unofficial job at a logistics company, called BTX, when I was fourteen years old. I worked every summer and often on weekends, observing the business that was going on around me in the office. This was only the first step to what I consider the infinite staircase of my life.

I would continue to search for more opportunities that would further my knowledge and exercise my passion for business. However, my first real job was nothing less than a rude awakening. I had searched long and hard on the internet, in newspapers, and family friends for work. Finally, I had secured an entry level job as an ice cream technician* at Carvel in Westport through a family friend. I was prepared to show them my talent for business and management. Instead, the boss handed me a scooper and rag and told me to get to work. I was "in charge" of everything, but nothing at the same time. And I still made minimum wage. I had come to the realization that no sane employer would hire a teenage student to do anything that actually mattered in a business. And so I knew what I had to do.

I had my mind set on getting into a competitive educational environment that would prepare me for my future. This is why the Charles H. Dyson School of Applied Economics and Management in the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences at Cornell University is my top choice. This is the next step that I must take in order to further my own development and prepare for the real world of business.

* not sure what an accurate title of my job would be
myschrifsteller 1 / 1  
Oct 26, 2011   #2
This is a very well written essay. I would just advise you to extrapolate on your experience at BTX, because it is too vague. Your description of the second job is good. I like how you related your work experience to your future career plans; however, you need to go into detail specifically why you want to attend Cornell. Why not any other business school?


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