Hi! I would really appreciate it you guys could help me proofread my personal statement. Any suggestions and critiques are welcome! Thanks!
The prompt is to describe your motivation towards becoming a PA
Robbie lay helpless on the stretcher, panicking. X-rays confirmed he had fractured his radius and ulna in a baseball game. The orthopedic physician assistant (PA) came to eye level with the patient as he engaged the boy in a conversation about the Red Sox and Yankees to distract him from the trauma. Immediately, the patient became calm and forgot his pain. The PA gradually began explaining the process of the fracture reduction and casting to the patient and parents. I clearly noticed the positive response the PA's intimate mannerisms were having on the whole family. The change in environment that had occurred in the exam room as the PA built a relationship with the patient inspired me. This and many other experiences have provided a strong drive for me to become a PA.
When I first discovered the profession, my curiosity and yearning for answers drove me to Google it to learn more. Needless to say, I was fixed. It was the ideal situation: I could fulfill my passion of being in healthcare, take part in a growing specialty, have the opportunity to work hands-on, and interact with people face-to-face. My interest was further strengthened by numerous work experiences that have unveiled the different facets of healthcare. Through shadowing endeavors, I observed the personal bonds PAs form with their patients, in addition to having a firm understanding of their condition, medications, allergies, and prognosis. They serve as healthcare providers, educators, problem solvers, and bedside companions, while establishing a firm professional association with physicians and healthcare providers. As a member of the administrative team of laryngologist Dr. Steven Zeitels, I was able to see that the success of a clinic not only requires the expertise of the top doctors, but also the support of staff members in the back office. My position in the Emergency Department at Children's Hospital Boston exposed me to a wide array of conditions: near drowning, onset diabetes, encephalitis, lacerations, psychiatric evaluations, suicidal ideation, sexual assault, and the list goes on. This job has taught me to remain alert, quick-thinking, and differences in communication between pediatric and adult patients. I walked away from these interactions hoping that someday, I too have the opportunity to provide outstanding care.
Many give credit to one life-changing experience for the decision to pursue a career in medicine. Along with the gratifying professional encounters, my passion and goals also stem from personal experiences. Visits to the pediatrician's office and walking through the maternity ward spurred the initial interest. When asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I confidently responded with, "I want to help sick people!" I would jolt to the medicine cabinet to grab Minnie Mouse bandages whenever I suspected an injury. As I matured, I started to consider a life in medicine more seriously. Offering the aid that can completely change one's life is the most appealing and honorable qualities of healthcare. The ever-changing field of medicine and advances in technology also lure me into the field.
Along with these rewarding events, I have endured devastating loses of family members in India. My grandmother passed due to a hip fracture caused by a fall. Later, my grandfather, who had been experiencing fatal respiratory problems, lost his life. I also unexpectedly lost my aunt, who was born with a solitary kidney. This was discovered when it began to fail her later in life. My grandmother donated a kidney, but my aunt's condition slowly declined, slipping into a coma. Due to these events, I have established a long-term goal to improve preventative care in India. I have a strong desire to make a difference in underprivileged populations because many lack proper healthcare. Taking a preventative approach over a curative one, such as nutrition and proper hygiene, will greatly benefit the developing country.
From putting bandages on teddy bears as a child, to pushing mothers and newborns in a wheelchair as a volunteer, to aiding in lumbar punctures and fracture reductions as a clinical assistant, I have received constant motivation and preparedness for the role. Being a PA does not merely require knowledge about ailments, but also strong interpersonal, judgment, and interpreting skills, which I have been able to embody. My inherent qualities of caring, curiosity, and compassion further add to the concrete foundation I have been able to form to allow me to build a career as a PA. Although I may not posses the expected GPA, I have the unwavering determination, experience, and commitment to succeed. I am eager to devote my time and life to a profession where I can serve a population diverse in backgrounds, languages, and customs to improve health and quality of life. I am humbled and awed by the knowledge I have accumulated and am anxious to be given the opportunity to further expand it to provide exceptional care as a PA.
X-rays confirmed he had fractured his radius and ulna in a baseball game.
I don't think this sounds right. You should omit the last 4 words. The x-ray did not confirm that it happened during a baseball game. : )
The orthopedic physician assistant
(PA) came to eye level with
the patient as he engaged the boy, engaging him in a conversation about the Red Sox and Yankees to distract him from the trauma. ---I made it more efficient.
...and yearning for answers drove me to
Google it to learn more. Needless to say, I was fixed. It was the ideal situation: I could fulfill my passion of being in healthcare, take part in a growing specialty, have ...-----Again, I took out some words that I think weigh the sentence down. And I don't like to have "googled it" in there, because I think you should do much more than google it. Googling something is not significant enough to include in the essay.
My position in the Emergency Department at Children's Hospital Boston exposed me to a wide array of conditions: near drowning, onset diabetes, encephalitis, lacerations, psychiatric evaluations, suicidal ideation, sexual assault, and the list goes on. This job has taught me to remain alert, quick-thinking, and differences in communication between pediatric and adult patients. I walked away from these interactions hoping that someday, I too have the opportunity ...----I like this part!
Okay, I like this essay a lot. I think you did a great job, and probably any reader will know you are serious about healthcare. I think you should cite a few recent articles that interest you, and show that you are already reading the books and medical journal articles used by medical professionals. That will give you an advantage.
