the essay is about YOU not your father.
I see the wisdom of this, but obviously the father makes a great theme. It is not necessary to say less about the father, but maybe you should say more about you.
This is the philosophy that my father
have has been trying to teach me.
Oops, I see that Mark corrected this already...
...of responsibility for my family.---right after this, add another sentence about you and how your history will affect your future.
he
managed all the
knowledge he learned at class and seized every chance he got to expand his knowledge.
In the summer break of 10th grade, I went to
my father's hometown with him.
My father was popular
at in his hometown, because as the first college student in the village, he was the proud of the community.
...could still feel the pride in his voice.
Ah! The ending is awesome! You made it very powerful. This essay has some real value, because it makes me (as the reader) have a deep experience of reflection.