"Detroit, that's a rough place" - UC application prompt 1

Hi, I'm applying to UC schools. The prompt is: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

"Detroit, that's a rough place" is what people tell me when I say where I was born. It was a long three days on a dark Greyhound bus to San Diego. Not only did I leave my clothes, pets, and family, I left my old life and mentality. Luckily, I was not alone in the process; I was sitting right beside my mom the whole way of the trip. My mom's familiarity to change calmed me in this stressful time. Thoughts constantly ran through my head about where I was going to stay and what was going to happen to us. As we stepped of the bus, my mom was not concerned about eating or going to sleep - she was determined to find my new middle school.

My mom sacrificed a lot of her life and time to get me to where I am today. It began when she found out that she was pregnant, knowing it would be difficult to be a teen mother she never had a doubt of aborting me. Instead she was determined to give me what she wanted more of while she was growing up - attention and guidance.

While in San Diego, my mom continued to struggle in order for me to succeed by having to work two or three jobs to stay afloat. The transition to San Diego has been a bumpy one. I have been homeless twice, actually I am still considered homeless because we hop from hotels weekly. It was stressful having to worry if I would have a place to sleep at first, but now it's part of my everyday life. I continue to go to school and put my worries to the side because I know that if I don't I will continue my life living in the poverty circle.

These last five years have been tough but I'm hopeful for my future to change.
Seeing my mom and family struggle gives me the needed support and motivation to not only succeed in life but to prove that there is hope. I feel like I have the weight of my family on my back as I get closer to graduation. They are proud of me no matter what because I have accomplished so much and kept my positive attitude in harsh times. I plan on continuing to strive and keep them in my thoughts when I go to college.

Is there anything I should go more in depth in or add more specific examples?
Thanks for reading it! :D

"As we stepped off the bus..."
"Seeing my mom and family struggle gives me the needed support and motivation to not only succeed in life, but also to prove that there is hope."

I think you have to answer the second part of the prompt more clearly and explicitly.

Good afternoon :)

You've got a good start here, but I wonder if you've answered the prompt completely. You describe this event in great detail, but don't really spend a lot of time explaining how it has changed your goals and dreams. What will you strive for in college? What about after? What path do you want to take, and how did this event influence that?

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

More reflection is needed and less story