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Being a devote Justin Bieber fan! NYU supplement


Believefm 3 / 9 1  
Dec 13, 2012   #1
What intrigues you? Tell us about one work of art, scientific achievement, piece of literature, method of communication, or place in the world (a film, book, performance, website, event, location, etc.), and explain its significance to you.

Being a devote Justin Bieber fan, I have faithfully watched over 100 of his performances on YouTube. I indulge every piece of the performance, the captivating lights, the elaborate stage, and the penetrating screams of the crowd. You can hear sincerity in every note, and the clarity of every guitar strum. To me, there is nothing more intriguing than how music can affect people and map out their lives and express universal feelings. Set changes for every song and each practiced and choreographed move of the dancers in unison is what makes live performances so magnificent. It fascinates me how such acts and performances come together and all the hard work put in to it to make the final production perfect. Although, acoustic sets to me are the best just Justin and his guitar you can hear his emotions in his voice. Music is powerful and when the artist pours out their emotion into a song it affects everyone listening. Great music and great entertainers shape their generation either in a positive or negative way. I think what makes this significant to me is its allure and the ability to captivate me and just get the best of me.
qasderwdw 9 / 36 1  
Dec 13, 2012   #2
Set changes for every song and each practiced and choreographed move of the dancers in unison is what makes live performances so magnificent.

awkward phrasing

It fascinates me how such acts and performances come together and all the hard work put in to it to make the final production perfect.

confusing... might just be me..

the artist pours out their emotion

artist- his ; artist is singular

I think what makes this significant to me is its allure and the ability to captivate me and just get the best of me.

Kind of redundant. Try to make a larger impact with this last sentence :)

Overall, good job. I can see this is a rough draft though. Keep on tweaking it until perfection :)
Good luck!
OP Believefm 3 / 9 1  
Dec 13, 2012   #3
Thank you so much. Yeah it is the rough draft. I will make the changes:)
zdv 12 / 68 2  
Dec 13, 2012   #4
here's something i read while trying to find advice on the internet about writing an application essay. always keep your audience in mind.
while im absolutely open to opinions and tastes in music, ur reader will probably be someone in their 30's or 40's who probably thinks that the knd of music this generation listens to is crap and hates justin bieber. so using justin bieber in this might not be such a great idea. i read this essay where someone rights about how he found the glee version of a song so much more better, whats shocking is i found it on the "what not to do on an application essay"section.

so i advice u to reconsider using justin bieber. you can still write a lot about ur passion for music without including justin bieber. im not a bieber hater and its just an advice. please dont be offended.

by the way, ur writing is great. very indulging. its just the choice of your topic that might be a problem.
leelee75033 - / 2 2  
Dec 13, 2012   #5
I have to agree with the above advice, about not writing about Justin Bieber. When I first started reading your essay, I myself in my 40's , made a :-( face . . . .ugh, I said to myself ! My teenage daughter loves Justin Bieber and I personally have nothing against him. But when she starts talking about him, I am thinking "la la la la" . . . Maybe you would do the same if I started talking to you about how much I love James Taylor. It is a generational thing. NOW, that being said, I just loved your adjectives and how you described "music" and how we are all affected and influenced by it. Yes, we are , no matter "what" our particular tastes are. So, I would just suggest, dropping the name Justin Bieber but keeping the other beautiful things you were describing about music. It's very good. :-)

I hope this helps you and good luck in your endeavors.

Lisa
Albert 1 / 7  
Dec 14, 2012   #6
Please don't write about Justin Bieber! Everyone hates him especially the NYU admission officers and he's gay!
inkhk 2 / 6  
Dec 14, 2012   #7
Maybe you can quote some criticisms at first and then show your unique appreciation. This way the whole essay will appear more objective.
OP Believefm 3 / 9 1  
Dec 16, 2012   #8
Ok. Thanks everyone for the advice. Ill cut him out of it. And what kind of criticisms should I quote?


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