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Diferent Ambition - Harvard Additional Essay REVISIONS


N_Campbell 3 / 8 2  
Dec 31, 2013   #1
You may wish to include an additional essay if you feel that the college application forms do not provide sufficient opportunity to convey important information about yourself or your accomplishments. You may write on a topic of your choice, or you may choose from one of the following topics:

- Unusual circumstances in your life
- Travel or living experiences in other countries
- What you would want your future college roommate to know about you
- An intellectual experience (course, project, book, discussion, paper, poetry, or research topic in engineering, mathematics, science or other modes of inquiry) that has meant the most to you

- How you hope to use your college education
- A list of books you have read during the past twelve months

I ALREADY WROTE THIS AND WAS CONSIDERING TO SUBMIT IT WITH MY HARVARD APP. WHAT DO YOU THINK? ANY REVISION? THANKS :)

Perception, our awareness of something through our senses, has become a broad scope; it demonstrates our culture and formulates our opinions. As we develop intellectually throughout life our perceptions of observations change but our self-perception remains. When asked words that describe me, I internally view myself of traits that cannot be manifested on my outer surface. I am ingenious, ambitious, and rare.

I am your out of the box thinker. As a fan and producer of art it would be abnormal if I was not. I love all forms of art: literature, dance, and music to be more specific. When I hear a simple chime or see a colorful illustration, I get an indescribable feeling in my stomach and develop tears.

After participating in school activities such as the Prom Committee, Homecoming hall decorating, and in-class literary debates, my talent for art has become more apparent. For that reason, friends love working on projects with me, ask me for ideas, and compliment my crazy way of thinking. An example would be our school's hall decorating completion each Homecoming. Instead of producing a simple idea, I wanted people to feel as if they were walking through another world. I successfully lead my grade level team in creating a World of Candy, An Amazon, and Whimsical Wonderland each year. I am ingenious.

Ambition is not something you acquire, it is born within and I am sure it was bestowed upon me. I always knew I will be a paragon for society through life experiences as well as cultural background. I am a sacrificial model to convince others they can achieve greatness. Though certain of my goals, I was unsure of a plan and undecided. In my opinion, careers should not be based around money or the superficial titles of a doctor and lawyer. They should be a person's passion that satisfies them mentally and emotionally. My complex combination of a love for art and logical math made finding a happy medium obfuscating until now. After getting hired at Aéropostale, I had an epiphany. I would like to major in Marketing and minor in Mass Communications. At work I was taught of merchandise layout and presentation. The design and creativity, yet the logic and strategical placement of products, is ideal for me. My future endeavor is to progress within a company until I am a part of the headquarters' management team to develop the skills in becoming a mogul. I am ambitious.

I have always had the feeling that I do not fit in. Peers and adults describe me alike as different, calling my mind set and highly refined opinions distinct. As a being, I tend to take the "road not taken" and create a new path. I see myself as an innovator very strong willed and still humble. I have a wide range of traits that are polar opposites of one another. I enjoy being different and plan to use this and leave a legacy. I am rare.

I am ingenious, ambitious, and rare.

502 WORDS
quanny 9 / 36 2  
Dec 31, 2013   #2
I think it has a strong personal voice and shows your confidence and daringness! >.< i think u r a good fit for harvard! if this is what you really want to tell harvard, go ahead and submit it! good luck! :D
rianhawaiian 4 / 17  
Dec 31, 2013   #3
"become a broad scope" doesn't make much sense...

You use a lot of big words, which I don't think is necessary. It's distracting and pretty pretentious. I'm sure you think ending with "I am..." in every paragraph and finally with "I am _, _, and _." was extremely clever, but it isn't.

Up to you if you want to take what I think into consideration, but if you genuinely think this works for you, go for it!
Kondite - / 44 9  
Dec 31, 2013   #4
I wouldn't advise submitting your application with this essay. This essay is meant to provide new information not stated in your application. It should reflect creativity and sophistication through your writing. You're just elaborating the activities that you have listed in your application. Many students get into Harvard without having to answer the optional supplement so don't worry about not submitting it.
OP N_Campbell 3 / 8 2  
Dec 31, 2013   #5
Thanks quanny!

Wow, I appreciate the honesty rianhawaiian. I'll work on the first two considerations but do you have any suggestions of how I can correct "I am..." statements?
OP N_Campbell 3 / 8 2  
Dec 31, 2013   #6
Great advice kondite, I just felt the required prompt was brief and wanted to add but I'll take your word for it. Thanks! :)
rianhawaiian 4 / 17  
Dec 31, 2013   #7
If you somehow change your mind and do want to include this, please fix your tenses! For example, "I always knew I will be..." Ouch.


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