Hey Guys! Please edit my second draft (i am over by 33 characters) please help me! Thanks~
Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development.
The natural response to "What is the difference between a raw egg and a cooked egg?" should be mundane comments about the variation in taste and texture. But I say that the fundamental difference is that a cooked egg will never, ever hatch.
As an inquisitive kindergartener, I felt strongly about justifying my understanding of the book "The Ugly Duckling" through hatching my own eggs. So, with a baby-blanket, a carton of eggs from my fridge, I began my seemingly flawless plan. When the chicks didn't come out after three weeks, I blamed my baby-blanket for not being warm enough. Only after I ended up with hard boiled eggs did I realize that my chicks were gone for good.
Over the years, I concluded that there something inherently wrong with my hatching abilities. It wasn't until I learned about meiosis and reproduction in grade 11 biology that I understood the science behind hatching chickens. An egg, completed with its own air compartment and food supply, can turn into a fully functioning-and insanely adorable- organism just twenty-one days after fertilization. Furthermore, I have been especially curious about the way biological structures grow, astonished by the level of detail in the natural design of these organisms. To my defense however, I did reacted with a sassy "and-now-you-tell-me that" glare when I found out that grocery-store eggs were never fertilized.
Just as my lack of scientific knowledge led to the failure of my hatching projects, the true purpose of education is to equip students with knowledge and the ability to apply it to various areas of life. Like the chicken-egg paradox, knowledge cannot be fruitful unless it is fertilized by passion and curiosity, a student's innate urge to learn. Likewise, curiosity is also useless without knowledge; they coexist. Therefore, I want to go to go to college to allow my intellectual curiosity to guide my learning.
In the end, I my egg never hatched. But why dwell on that? These days, I have moved on to growing mushrooms under my kitchen sink.
Overall I think it is really great! However, in the last sentence I would edit:
In the end, I my egg never hatched. But why dwell on that? These days, I have moved on to growing mushrooms under my kitchen sink.
to
In the end, my egg never hatched. But why dwell on that? These days, I have moved on to growing mushrooms under my kitchen sink.
Thanks!
The natural response to "What is the difference between a raw egg and a cooked egg?" should be mundane comments about the variation in taste and texture.
Another suggestion: If you ask someone "What is the difference between a raw egg and a cooked egg?", mundane comments about the variation in taste and texture usually follow.
As an inquisitive kindergartener, I felt strongly about justifying my understanding of the book "The Ugly Duckling" through hatching my own eggs.
What was your understanding of the book?
Therefore, I want to go to go to college to allow my intellectual curiosity to guide my learning.
Great essay! Although the last line about growing mushrooms made me laugh, I think the idea could be misunderstood by the Stanford admissions officers.
Good luck with the rest of your application!
wow. WOW. great essay. the last line was really..unexpected haha. Do you REALLY grow mushrooms under your kitchen sink? haha
Didgeridoo did a great job editing your essay, as he did mine. hard to find grammatical error
Your essay's brilliance is in its simplicity. well done
found one:
Over the years, I concluded that something inherently was wrong with my hatching abilities or my technique
well done. nice flow and nice sense of human. Stanford better take you before you start some weird experiment.
Good job
I really really liked your essay, interesting topic, it really catches me! I think all the editing job has been done.
I loved this line: " I did reacted with a sassy "and-now-you-tell-me that" glare when I found out that grocery-store eggs were never fertilized."
It's fluid, kind of funny and catches the eye at the first sight.
Good luck!!
"So, with a baby-blanket, a carton of eggs from my fridge, I began my seemingly flawless plan."
...with a baby-blanket and a carton of eggs from my fridge, I began my seemingly flawless plan.
How did your eggs get boiled? You can't boil them from warming them with your blanket. You cut out the wrong parts. The addition of the Ugly Duckling interrupts the path of your main idea. What were you trying to prove? That you could hatch an egg or that an ugly chick could become a swan?
yes, I really do grow mushrooms under my sink...but not the Psilocybin mushrooms :P
