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"I am still different; diverse and Roman Catholic" - Rutgers essay


dank09 1 / -  
Nov 30, 2010   #1
There are many unique people in this world that contribute to the mosaic of diversity. Along with the expected takes on race and ethnicity, how many of those essays would present their authors as diverse and beneficial to a certain school? How could I represent myself as someone unique and interesting or strange, even without falling prey to the cliché of a typical student?

Let me be direct: in some ways, I am the converse of what one might picture as a student who contributes to campus diversity. Although, I am white, middle-class and do not have any physical handicaps or mental challenges; I am still different. To simplify what I am trying to get around to is that; I may look like an average white student but there is something about me that is unusual and can help supply to a diverse campus.

Merely, I am a family person and a jock. As a model ; have photo shoots and try to look glamorous for the camera, I do not exactly do this for a future career or just get girls as some of my peers assume. But modeling is what helps my family with their economic troubles and to help pay for my education. However, this is what qualifies me as a family person. Through this action, it has given me the principles of being a responsible person. As captain of both, the swimming and the lacrosse team, I have required skills that can contribute to everyday life. The leadership skills I have gained have proven to my teammates that no matter how difficult a task is that I will never quit and in no way stop trying to expand something from the experience. My coach told me to delineate myself as "the leader on the field and in my teammates' hearts" because my teammates believe in me; in such environments I can be a precedent to students in school as a social influence so they can gain confidence. However, such ideologies as persistence gained from my activities have also proven to be helpful in schoolwork by finishing work and not declining behind new knowledge.

Religion has also been a crucial portion in my life. Being rinsed by a Roman Catholic family, they have taught me the concept of church and showed the way to be scrupulous. Since my family has had a strong connection with the clergy; encouraged me to volunteer with the church its self as an alter boy and the surrounding environment. Also having knowledge in this subject provided insightful information on debates on comparing various religions and ethic laws in daily decisions. Religion can be an immeasurable factor in other students' lives to help lead them to a better lifestyle. When a friend was a rebel to society, I provided him the sense of religion and there on he has declined in misbehavior.

Being such a diverse character I also hope to be influenced by the assorted campus of Rutgers. With even just a friendly encounter with another person in the school, I'm sure that it will have a significant affect on me. With such a diverse University, social influence by students can create innovations that can benefit me with new ideas, motivation and poise.
Kimayu 5 / 25  
Dec 3, 2010   #2
When a friend was a rebel to society, I provided him the sense of religion and there on he has declined in misbehavior.

Probably you could elaborate more on this statement.It could show how showing a sense of religion made an impact on him and changed him for the better.

Other than that,I really enjoyed reading your essay.You answered the prompt well and showed how versatile you are.
Good Luck

Could you help me with my essay. Thank you.
gpy93 2 / 3  
Dec 8, 2010   #3
Write more about what YOU will bring to the campus. Rutgers will be looking especially for that. Good luck! :)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 16, 2010   #4
falling prey to the cliché of a typical student?

Man, this is cool poetry but I don't know if the AO reader will appreciate it. As the last sentence of the first paragraph, it should be a clear thesis statement. Falling prey to a cliche is confusing, and the "cliche of a typical student" is confusing, because when I think of a cliche I think of a phrase that is overused.

It should be a dash or a comma, not a semi-colon:
Although, I am white, middle-class and do not have any physical handicaps or mental challenges -- I am still different. To simplify what I am trying to get around to is that; I may look like an average white Caucasian student but there is something about me that is unusual and can help supply to a diverse campus.

Merely, I am a family person and a jock. ---Cool, i have never seen merely at the start of a sentence before.

Being rinsed by a Roman Catholic family, they have taught me the concept of church and showed the way to be scrupulous.---does rinse refer to baptism or is it a typo? I think maybe you mean raised, ha ha...

Here is a place you can cut the word "that"
sure that it will have a significant affect on me.


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