Any opinions on this? It's really rough and nowhere close to complete. It shows a bit about how I see the world and about the types of people I've met. I'm not sure if I should develop it or scrap it. (I was thinking of using it for the common app essay or one of those "why are you different?" essays)
In what way do you feel you are different from your peers, and how will this shape your contribution to the Notre Dame community?
* Sidewalks?
I like to take walks looking down at the sidewalk. Not because I'm too timid to look at the sky, but because the sidewalk is more interesting.
Some types of sidewalks glitter in the night, while others are matted with dust. Sometimes I kneel down and rub the sidewalk with the tips of my fingers. The grit that clings on is a variety of colors: taupe, slate and charcoal. It isn't a monochrome gray, like everyone believes. Neither are the people who use it.
I step out my door and start ambling through my neighborhood. I see a five-year-old leaning forward on his bike, pedaling furiously while his mother speed walks to catch up. I smile nostalgically, remembering how exhilarating it is to ride a bike swiftly across a bumpy sidewalk. However, I simultaneously cannot help but feel a pang of guilt. Why did we deserve to live so happily while so many others were suffering?
I recall that the most beautiful singer I have ever heard was a homeless man in San Francisco. Despite his unfortunate circumstances, he sang with such sincere passion that I could not help but be touched. When I deposited a dollar in his donation sack, his eyes twinkled and he said "God bless you".
I remember how in India, I once drank a Fanta with my grandfather while sitting on the sidewalk. He told me to leave the unfinished drink there for a thirsty beggar. As I left to board an auto rickshaw, I saw a boy with Kala-azar pick it up. I thought to myself I could have easily been in his place.
A dozen blocks down from my house is the Strawberry Man. He stands by the roadside, rubbing his stomach and pointing to his cartons of fruit, as if to indicate his food is delicious. A few months ago, I bought a carton, and he thanked me with a weary smile. Since then, he has expanded his business to sell watermelon and pineapple. Others are not so fortunate.
I bend down, and examine a clump of sorrel growing in a crack in the sidewalk. I resent it is considered "inferior" to plants-it is a plant; a robust, sturdy one. And people are people.
I understand I'm a lot like the little boy on the bike. Our romanticized memories of the sidewalk probably involve lemonade stands and trips to the park. With the backing of a good education and a nurturing family, we have a good chance at becoming successful in the future. However, to many others, the sidewalk is a place of constant suffering. It is a place where they become anonymous, branded nothing more than "beggar" or "hobo". It becomes difficult to remember that each of them has his own hopes and dreams. I want to help them achieve their aspirations so that they have a chance at becoming a "somebody".
I want to become a traveling doctor and offer free checkups and lemonade to the street singer. I want to take him to First Street and buy him some nice clothes so that he can search for a job. I want to treat the poor Indian boy for his disease and instill in him the hope that he can one day be at least as successful as the Strawberry Man.
I can look at the sky, or the high tops of buildings, but I can't see them in great detail. Quite frankly, they aren't as important. I'm more concerned with making more of the sidewalks glitter.
This is a great start! I feel you should def. continue!
However there are minor mistakes which i'll try and clear up:
I think it is peculiar they are considered "inferior" to plants-they are plants.
More successful is The Strawberry Man. He has expanded his business to sell watermelon and pineapple... Whenever I see him a variation of "Do you Know the Muffin Man" plays in my mind.
I once saw a drug dealer on my sidewalk I think you should probably scratch this part.
Sometimes after school I walk with a friend to the park.maybe talk about what you two do related to the sidewalk?
Well this is what i have, hope it helped!
Mind looking at mine?
Haha yeah, the drug dealer probably isn't a good idea. Thanks for the feedback! Is it too unfocused though? And should I use it for the common app or a "why are you different" prompt?
haha, it is a little unfocused but once you start writing you'll realize where you want to go.
that was the case with me anyways. I think it would go better with the why are you different prompt. But i guess it would depend on whether or not you can think of a topic on the common app.
i feel that your ending could be very powerful if you get it right. the fact that the most beautiful singing you ever heard was a homeless man on a sidewalk could mean that small things should never be over looked or unexpected things have value.
please read my uchicago essay!
I like where you going with the new version, but think you should try a little more to tie it into what your would normally be doing as a doctor. Like maybe emergency medical on the sidewalk, or refer to the sidewalk outside the hospital, etc.
I like the weed idea, and maybe how they survive amongst harsh conditions and so do homeless people but you totally took it in another direction...
Hey =)
The essay is interesting. But I feel like it's distracting your main purpose. I don't see much connection with your essay and being a doctor. Try to elaborate on it.
Will you take a look at my essay?
I am also applying in Notre dame. But i have chosen the first question. I like your essay but i think it dosent answer the question.You have shown how you are diffret but not How will a Notre Dame education enable you to answer the call to "use wisely the blessings of freedom, in order to build a future of hope" for others in your own way?
Thanks for critiquing me!
I really like this essay, it is very figurative and original.
The only mistake I could find was in your second to last paragraph:
You see, I'm a lot like the little boy on the bike. Our romanticized memories of the sidewalk will probably involve lemonade stands and trips to the park. People care about me, and I have chance at becoming successful in the future. I resent that weeds growing in the sidewalk are considered "inferior" to plants-they are plants. And people are people. I hope to one day become a doctor and offer free checkups to the one-legged boy and street singer. I want to take them to First Street, and buy them some lunch and nice clothes, hoping this push will give them some momentum to mend their broken lives.
I think you probably forgot to put in 'a'
thanks for your comments- appreciate it-help me structure mine within 10 hrs if possible-
Re: your essay-it was different, beautifully written but kindly stress/emphasize on the sidewalk and ur ambition to be a doctor- somehow the doctor bit is fading into insignificance
best of luck
