Hello,
It is the first time I have to write this type of text and this exchange really means the world to me! French is my first language, and even though I actually study in English, I feel very unconfortable with my writing skills. Can someone help me correct/edit/destroy my essay?
Thanks a lot!
I write with great interest in applying for the 2010 CRÉPUQ fall semester student exchange program with Lyon 2 (Lumière) as partner university. I strongly believe that a prominent college such as Lyon 2 will provide me with an exciting opportunity as well as more than credible experience in the field of Psychology. Furthermore, I am a hard-working student that will proudly represent for McGill University.
As far as I can remember, exploring exotic landscapes, learning new languages and discovering the subtle but numerous differences between people around the world has aroused in me a deep years of dreaming, planning and saving up, left Canada with my sister and I for a one-year road trip during which we covered most of the United States, Mexico and Guatemala, cruising the roads in our RV, from breathtaking panoramas to intriguing cultures and exciting adventures. I came back to Montreal as a 6 year-old with a very uncommon mindset, disarming teachers with exceptional grades and a profound curiosity about the inherent nature of the human kind.
Since then, I am torn between my dreams of enriching foreign journeys and a hunger to pursue my academic route. The strong interest that I have in learning more about the human species and its complexity lead me to undergraduate studies in psychology and anthropology. Through this degree, I strive to come to a deeper understanding of the cognitions, interpersonal relationships and environmental factors that guide and shape the human behaviour. However, the human species is not a single one-dimensional entity, and my interest in anthropology speaks of my inquisitiveness about what being human means at different times and places in history.
For the past months, I have been working very hard to earn the financial means to go on a 3 month trip in summer 2011 that will take me around Spain, Morroco, Tunisia, Italy, and finally France. This semester, through my interactions with McGill students who have studied abroad, I started wondering: what if my journey around southern Europe and North Africa did not have to finish in August? What if studying psychology and being in France could go hand in hand?
I then came to realize that studying in France was the perfect opportunity for me; it would allow me to learn psychology from a different, European, perspective and to broaden my view toward the world. French being my first language, I feel compelled to have more knowledge concerning the vocabulary and the history of my field of study in my own language. Since I look forward to apply to graduate school and to later practice as a clinician in Quebec, I believe this student exchange would be beneficial to both my academic training and future career. Moreover, the last year of undergraduate studies in Psychology at Lyon 2 is very practice-oriented which appeals to my need for concrete experiences and applications of theoretical knowledge. After finishing this program, I would be more confident and have a stronger desire and affection towards my major. Skimming through the program offered at Lyon 2, I saw that the elective classes available at Lyon 2 would also provide me with the opportunity to explore in greater depth a lively interest for gender studies that I recently discovered at McGill.
Finally, I believe that I would contribute to my host university by bringing different views and experiences about psychology and academic training at large, and adding diversity to the student community by enlarging the array of available representations of francophony around the world. Additionally, on a more personal and cultural level, I would have the possibility to learn more about the ancestors of Quebec's francophone culture and to develop my capacity to adapt to a new environment.
I write with great interest in applying for the 2010 CRÉPUQ fall semester student exchange program with Lyon 2 (Lumière) as a partner university.
Hi Fannie,
The only correction I could make was the red 'a' in the first paragraph. You have an excellent sentence structure and a flowing yet effective narrative in your paper. I think you're good to go!
I strongly believe that a prominent college such as Lyon 2 will provide me with an exciting opportunity as well as more than credible experience in the field of Psychology.---I think this sentence is actually empty of meaning. It is too obvious, because you would not be applying if you did not feel that way. The important thing to do is show the reader that you have been reading about psych already and that you have a well-developed plan. I think you should revise this intro so that it includes a statement about the aspiration you are chasing, the specific difference you want to make in your chosen field.
Since then, have been torn...
deeper understanding of the cognitions, interpersonal relationships and environmental factors that guide and shape the human behaviour. ---This is what I am interested in. I think you should write more about the books and articles you have read, the types of psych that appeal to you, and ... show the reader that you are already studying and that in your reading you have developed a specific aspiration for the near future... some great splash you want to make in the world.
:-)
