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How am I different from the World?? I am not a genius who receives national merit. Notre Dame


chanchu1352 1 / 1  
Dec 28, 2009   #1
It is true that we should not be afraid to be different from the world to make a difference in the world. Being different from the world often involves courage. Courage or in other words, confidence that what I do is true and just, is a source of demonstrating unique qualities. However, I was afraid to be different from the world.

From when I was little, I was shy. I was afraid of being stood out. This problem had been a dilemma for me. My passion to contribute to the world seemed to contradict my personality. I often fell into self-disparagement, asking questions like, "Why am I so shy?", and "What can I do with my personality?" But, I was overlooking an important fact: There are other ways to be different from the world. I had another trait that could differentiate me from others: compassion. I feel compassionate to people who are hurt and banished.

I came to America as an international student from Korea, and saw much irrationality in Korean communities. Students often oppress other students because they are older. Having seen this "hierarchy" for many years, I felt compassionate to the oppressed. Compassion, in definition, is investing whatever is necessary to heal the hurts of others. I listened to those who needed comfort whenever I was available.

Objectively, I may not be the most promising student: I am not a genius who receives national merit. However, I believe that I have what the University of Notre Dame is looking for. I am willing to commit my life for humanity. I appreciate how the Notre Dame community is aware of oppression that makes people's lives burdened, and I want to contribute to its mission.

Maybe too negative? I tried to be honest, but you know... Any advice is welcome

psykosonik 1 / 2  
Dec 28, 2009   #2
I think it's good, but I guess you should also focus on your strong points as well. The whole essay just has a negative feel to it. Try to tell them how you can help the notre dame community. Hope this helps :)
SP10 1 / 8  
Dec 28, 2009   #3
Hi Chanhyu,
You sound like a very sweet person. Here's just my two cents on how you may be able to bring that forward in your essay a little bit more sucessfully. I'll also post another messge with corrections to your present essay, just in case.

I think you should concentrate on how you overcame constantly thinking about a "negative trait" that makes you feel different from others to embracing a positive trait...was your time within the Korean community in the US the reason behind you realizing your compassionate nature?...or did you realize this sometime before?...i also think you should talk a little more about how you expressed your compassion (if you did any volunteer work, you can include it)...its great that you leant an ear to people's problems, but maybe develop that idea a little bit more.

Last suggestion (I promise!): What exactly is it about Notre Dame's humanitarian work etc. that attracts you?...do they do anything in particular (e.g. support a local orphanage, have food drives etc.)that you would like to be involed in?

Definitely concentrate on your strengths...its great that you were able to stop thinking about your limits and start focusing on your positive qualities...you should show the admission people that in your essay.

Hope this helps!
SP10 1 / 8  
Dec 28, 2009   #4
Courage, or in other words, a confidence in my actions being true and just, is a source of demonstrating unique qualities. However, there was a point in my life when I was afraid to be different from the world.

Minor corrections - i've included them in the quote.

Ever since I was little, I have been shy. I was afraid of standing out, which caused quite a dilema for me. My passion to contribute to the world seemed to contradict my personality. I often fell into self-disparagement, asking questions such as, "Why am I so shy?", and "What can I do with my personality?" But, I was overlooking an important fact: There are other ways to be different from the world. I had another trait that could differentiate me from others: compassion. I feel compassionate towards people who are hurt and banished.

Here is maybe where you could add a little bit more detail on how you came to realize you were compassionate.

As a Korean International Student in the United States, I witnessed much irrationality within Korean communities. Younger students were often taken advantage of by their older peers. Having seen this "hierarchy" for many years, I could not help but feel a deep sense of empathy for the younger students. I made sure that I listened to those who needed comfort whenever possible.

Just some quick advice: College admissions officers usually prefer when we don't shorten words...for example: Instead of "Don't," use "Do not," instead of "couldn't," you should use "could not" etc.

Objectively, I may not be the most promising student: I am not a genius who receives national merit.

Focus on strengths! Possibly give more details on how you're willing to commit your life to humanity - it will make your case stronger. Show how compassionate you are. Do you plan on majoring in something that will help you to help others? Maybe Notre Dame does something specific to help opressed people that you admire and want to be involved in...think about possibly including that in the essay. How will your compassionate nature contribute to making Notre Dame a better place?

I really hope this helped and that none of my comments were confusing...i'll check the thread again this week, so please let me know if you need clarifications on something.

Good Luck!


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