Any criticism is welcome!
Prompt: In a famous quote by José Ortega y Gasset, the Spanish philosopher proclaims, \"Yo soy yo y mi circunstancia\" (1914). José Quintans, master of the Biological Sciences Collegiate Division at the University of Chicago, sees it another way: \"Yo soy yo y mi microbioma\" (2012). You are you and your..? -Maria Viteri, Class of 2016
You are you and your thoughts.
It is always interesting to hear discussions concerning the nature of the human self. What uniquely identifies a person as his or her self? What composes the nebulous essence of a person?
What differentiates us is our thinking. Strip off the skin and fat and we all look the more or less same, but divulge into our minds and there you will find the metaphysical fingerprint. Of course there are a great number of different types of variations in our genetic makeup that cause disparity between us, but for the purposes of this essay we will focus on those concerning the philosophy behind the metaphysical differences of our selves.
I believe that the primary differences in our selves lie in our conscious: our state of awareness. It is responsible for our sense of self hood, our ability to experience. It is subjectivity. The ability to be cognizant is shared amongst all people, but the product of that cognizance is what is unique to each individual. The product of cognizance is thought. Cognizance is awareness; awareness is awake; it is the now. Without awareness, none of its products (emotion, thought, and experience) could arise.
Our thoughts and ways of thinking are what set us apart. It is makes up our identity. Our thoughts are the most authentic version of ourselves. For example, it is easy to present yourself in a way such that you alter a person's perception of who you are. In other words, it is easy to deceive people, but it is not quite as easy to deceive yourself. This is because, on some level, you have to be cognizant of the truth in order to be able to delude yourself. Your thoughts also reflect your personality. If you are an optimistic person, you will generally have positive and encouraging thoughts that will reinforce that optimism. They reflect every emotion you feel.
Your thoughts are distinctly yours. They are construed to no one but yourself. No person can control what or how another person thinks. Your thoughts are your freedoms. Freedoms than can never be taken from you. It is impossible to know with certainty what another person is thinking; thus making suppression of those thoughts impossible. They are the one thing you have complete ownership of.
My thoughts are me and I am my thoughts. The two are interchangeable. You cannot quite be yourself without your ideas, personalities, or freedoms. Likewise, your thoughts would not exist without you. They, like you, are unique.
I feel as if your essay is too general. I like your idea and everything but the essay was intended for you to use first person throughout most of your essay. You use second person too much, when the prompt asked you to write more about yourself in specific. If you changed all the "yous" to "me" and "my," I feel as if you could produce a stronger essay.
Thanks for the help!
Do you think it would be narcissistic to say that (at the end)
"They, like me, are unique."
Yes, it would. If I were you, I would take the idea of the essay and re-write it (not entirely, of course). The parts where you say "your ideas" and speak directly to an admissions officer. Do you think the person reading this already knows themselves? Make this essay about you, about your experiences, about your ideas. Don't tell me things about me. Make it personal!
I agree with mlozano11 that this essay needs to be more personal. Right now it appears to be something that is found in philosophy papers. What admission officer is looking for is how this prompt applies to your personal circumstances.
It seems like what you have is a solid base or foundation, a well-written one, but it's lacking in individuality and the unique personality behind the essay--you. Put more of yourself into this essay and it will become something that an admissions officer really wants to see. Also, I liked the point about your thoughts being freedoms that no one can take away. You could easily re-write your essay centered around this idea, but that's just one of many options you have.
I hope I was helpful.
Thanks guys! I really appreciate the help!
