Hi there, I'm British and am in the process of my application. I need help on my essay as no teachers at my school really know what the common app essay is about, or what content is need. I would be grateful if anyone could tell me if the content of my essay is appropriate, etc. Thanks!
When I was thirteen, my parents went through a difficult divorce and in the same years of the family breakdown, my elder sister had numerous domestic problems. Not doing well in high school and in struggling to find her feet meant she got mixed up in various troubles, drugs being one. At the same time my brother, too, had his own battles as he failed a whole year at high school and had several health problems. The divorce disturbed my mother's mental condition terribly, and, along with the fact that she was unemployed and living on her own, it made it very hard for me and my siblings to live with her. Yet we felt we had a duty to look after her in her fragile state, despite the discomfort it put us through. As I matured, it came to the point where my relationship with my mother became extremely bitter, forcing me to live permanently with Dad. My relationship with Mum has never improved, and the loss of someone so close has led me to depression on numerous occasions.
I have now grown ever closer to my father, who has become a great inspiration to me. He has worked very hard in order to support my private education: he doesn't earn a great amount and despite my being on a 40% bursary award, he still has to work incredibly hard in order to pay the school fees. I respect my Dad so much because in spite of his own problems, he always seems prepared to focus his full attention on those of his children before his own.
My experience has led me to value the principles of loyalty and of persevering through adversity; two principals which now anchor me, and have brought me to where I am now.
There have been times in my high school career where I have felt life to be too overwhelming, tempting me to give up and take a less arduous path in not striving for excellence. It's hard to keep defences up against every difficulty life throws at me: it wears me out. Yet seeing the harsh struggle my sister faced has made me determined not to let slip what potential I have in life. I have learnt that in order to make the most out of life, one has to cope with challenges in order to excel, because in doing so greater things will be achieved than if we turn away from them. My brother and my sister have shown this by emerging successful in life, despite all their difficulties. And just like Dad, who makes sacrifices for others, my experience has also made me value loyalty to friends and family, despite life's difficulties.
It's a great work. Showing your life and emotions. Room for improvement. I suggest you go to you teachers and improve your writing quality. You may add more depth.
I am also taking help from a friend, he is British and knows nothing about common app either. He has helped me a lot improving my quality and making it better.
All the best.
Please look at my essay
I'd say to use your last paragraph as your conclusion, but you need to develop this paragraph.
develop this paragraph My experience has led me to value the principles of loyalty and of persevering through adversity; two principals which now anchor me, and have brought me to where I am now.
