Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 3

"difficult to do things on my own" -University of Cincinnati undergraduate essay


owusupalace 1 / -  
Dec 3, 2009   #1
Please provide a Personal Statement regarding how your academic achievements, personal interests, and life experiences have helped prepare you to succeed academically and to be an active member of the UC community. Be sure your response addresses each of the three components. (Please limit your response to approximately 250 words).

During the early stage of my childhood life, I found it difficult to do things on my own. Doing my homework was a problem. I always thought there should be someone helping me but never cross my mind to try it myself. This continued till middle school when my teachers realized I was unable to work alone. My teachers made my parents aware of the situation I was in. They told my parents to let me start doing my homework and other things myself without them doing most of it.

From the start, I wasn't happy but my parents were determined to help me. At the end of it all, I was able to overcome the difficulty in my life. Winston Churchill once said "Never give in, never give in, never; never; never; - in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense. This was the turning point of my life and a lesson learned.

Since then, I have not giving up on anything. Moreover, I have achieved success in my entire high school years by working hard and always hungry for more success. It had also helped me be interested in reading articles about solving problems and new discoveries.

I believe that lesson has made me a better person to be an active member of the UC community. And being an ambitious student to learn new things, I am sure UC will make my dream of becoming a Pharmacist a reality.

thank you guys for editing my essay...
i will be happy if you guys edit my final draft...
christiek 6 / 65  
Dec 3, 2009   #2
I always find it difficult

--> I always FOUND it difficult...

re helping me but never cross my mind to try it myself.

--> helping me but it never crossed my mind...

This continues till

--> This continued till...

This continues till middle school when I was pretty much not a good student.

--> That's pretty vague. What's not a good student? But I don't know if you should even write that...

From the start, I wasn't happy on the situation

--> From the start, I wasn't happy with the situation...

They told me for me to become successful; I should try doing things on my own and work hard to make those things better.

--> They told me for me to become successful??? They told me how to become successful?? I dont know...
Hmmm, what i keep thinking is that success isn't really taught or anything like that. Parents can guide you but they can't really show you for your own success. Do you get what I'm feeling? Success is something that can be defined very differently from person to person.

--> oh and what do you mean by things? Maybe you can describe something specific.

I always promise myself to prove my GPA every semester, and through that lesson my parents thought me, I have been able to achieve those goals.

--> I always promise myself to improve my GPA every semester. And through...

--> Umm what exactly is that LESSON your parents taught you? I think you are referencing it to "how to be successful" but even then you don't mention the lesson.

me dreams of becoming a Pharmacist a reality.

--> MY dreams of...
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 5, 2009   #3
Christie, this is great feedback, thanks so much. I see that you have helped with 53 essays.

Owusupalace, Christie fixed your verb tense, because you wrote find when you should have written found. Verb tenses are difficult!

Since then, I have been successful on doing things on my own and working hard to achieve whatever I set my eyes on.

This is an excellent sentence... but I crossed out one word.


Home / Undergraduate / "difficult to do things on my own" -University of Cincinnati undergraduate essay