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Digging deeper beneath the surface opens a pathway to innovation. Cornell's College Application


keylijosselyn 1 / 8  
Jan 1, 2015   #1
Describe two or three of your current intellectual interests and why they are exciting to you. Why will Cornell's College of Arts and Sciences be the right environment in which to pursue your interests? (Please limit your response to 650 words.)

-Please provide any insight to make my essay better.. thank you!!

Digging deeper beneath the surface opens a pathway to innovation. I dig until I cannot dig any further. Curiosity keeps my mind alive, prone to new ideas and findings. My curiosity challenges me to step out of my comfort zone, to seek and find answers that are not blatantly given. My inquisitive nature likes to break those boundary walls built by amenity.

I was not always this way. There was a time I was reluctant to asking questions in the classroom. I reasoned I was too smart. I left my mind inadequate to uncovering more. I studied, knew the material, passed on exams, and was satisfied with just that. I did not understand that there is always more than what is granted.

I changed the summer before my sophomore year. I set goals to lose weight and get myself in the best shape possible. I was persistent, determined, and motivated. I attained the key ingredients for success. Curiosity was one of the main factors that also sustained my endeavor. I asked for guidance in exercising and dieting. I wondered what I needed to do precisely to get where I wanted, where did I need to start? How many times was I going to fail and have to pick myself back up? What were the exact diets and exercises I needed to undergo? By asking people that had reached and maintained the same goal I was striving for, I received the insight I needed. I saw satisfying results by the end of that summer, despite several letdowns, and learned the importance of explorations, reconnoitering the way our bodies and minds work.

As I exercised and researched ways to stay fit, I grew an admiration for the intricacies that work our body. How muscles grow because of the tiny tears that form from being put under pressure, leading to more strength and growth. The way muscles contract and move by using glucose and ATP, turn ATP into lactic acid, and use it as fuel during exercise. How torn muscle fibers initiate muscle soreness. How blood circulated through the muscles is warmed and causes an increase in body temperature, and how the excess heat is flushed in the form of sweat. We are adaptive organisms, our bodies understand and respond to the natural stimulants such as exercise that activate our muscles. I looked to exercising as a simple, natural stimulant, and I became acclimatized to it.

I have grown a fascination for the human mind and body. Exercise is linked to the brain in a way that increases its reasoning abilities, allowing it to work at its best ability, and protecting it from damage. A healthy brain in its finest form is beautiful, and an understanding of the thought-process within a brain is magnificent. I hold a tight grasp on understanding my actions and thoughts. Why I determine myself on every objective, why I fear failure, why I understand the human nature of the fear of failure, and most importantly why I have grown such resilience against that fear. The Instinct Theory of Motivation describes how ones motivating force is determined by his or her nature and instinct. As the daughter of determined, strong Latino immigrants, and as a young woman who has familiarized herself with going after what she desires, I understand the reasoning behind my resilience. The intellect and perplexity of human beings drives me to acquire more understanding of the biology and psychology within and around us.

At Cornell's College of Arts and Science I will be open to a faculty holding national and international leaders, courses such as An Introduction to Evolutionary Biology and Diversity, Introductory Biology: Comparative Biology, Developmental Psychology, and introduction to Cognitive Science, an education that will move me to go further beneath my depths. Through Cornell Undergraduate Research Board I can supportably research on psychology and biology. I will feed my curiosity. I will receive the knowledge to help me grow academically and as a person.
tech_girl 1 / 2  
Jan 1, 2015   #2
I'm also applying to Cornell in about a day! (But to the college of engineering). I like where you're going with this essay, but maybe you can fix some transitions. For example, maybe for the paragraph that starts with "looking back at my freshman year...", you can start with something along the lines of "I was not always this way". The paragraph where you you introduce the losing weight thing also kind of came out of no where. I'm sure you can think of ways to connect it a little more. Maybe say "this changed when I decided to lose weight the summer of my sophomore year..."

I hope this helps, and good luck!

If you have time, could you look at mine? It's the two essays for UVa, "chronic procrastinator" is in the title :)
OP keylijosselyn 1 / 8  
Jan 1, 2015   #3
Thank you for the help! and sure
Boa503 6 / 16  
Jan 1, 2015   #4
I think it would be better that you discuss more about how Cornell, specifically what programs or courses, can fulfill your interest in biology and psychology.
leiya0920 5 / 23 9  
Jan 1, 2015   #5
Your writing exudes intelligence. Which is a good thing.
And you're articulate. The adcom will like that.
But you don't answer the question...which isn't good.

I think you can link your Lose Weight Phase to Biology. As you exercised and researched about ways to keep fit, you became more fascinated of the intricacies of the human body. Why does this muscle work like that? Why am I getting used to more exercise? How do I sweat? What are the effects of the 100 squats I do on my lower body? Blah Blah Blah. You get the whole gist right? It would be a fun read, and if written well, show that you have a firm background in Biology. Kill two birds with one stone amiga.

For Psychology, the same thing can be done. Link exercise with the fifth (and my favorite) paragraph. I love the whole Latino background and resilience thing you've got going on. I can imagine the sort of person you are! Confident, energetic and tough.

For the Cornell bit, research more on the two majors you're interested in. Maybe add a few courses you can take, research opportunities, etc.

You're such a great writer, I'm sure all will go well! Good luck my friend :)
Name 1 / 2  
Jan 1, 2015   #6
Your writing is though-provoking. I admire your fluid and use of words. But you may need to work more on the transition. How do you connect your experience to Cornell? You may include something unique in Cornell that you are interested. Otherwise, I could just replace it with the name of many other colleges without drastically changing your essay.
OP keylijosselyn 1 / 8  
Jan 1, 2015   #7
[Revision] I took everyones advice and made some revisions. Please provide any other insight that can help make my essay better! Thank you all!!
-I need to condense it by about 10 words, what should I take out? Also, is it too wordy?
machyjoy 1 / 4  
Jan 1, 2015   #8
The topic if your essay is refreshing :) Your approach and your biological and psychological discoveries are great :D My only concern is the sentences "My inquisitive nature likes to break those boundary walls built by amenity" and "The Instinct Theory of Motivation describes how ones motivating force is determined by his or her nature and instinct" in your essay, specifically the "boundary walls" part, I think just choosing one is good, I feel both are repetitive. For the second sentence, isn't it supposed to be "one's" ?

Other than that, it's a great essay :) great use of ellipsis!
OP keylijosselyn 1 / 8  
Jan 1, 2015   #9
Thank you! You suggest I just remove the last sentence of the first paragraph?


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