Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 14


Dilemma on writing an essay on 'a person who has impact on your life'


chegoyam 2 / 6  
Jan 11, 2009   #1
I have this dilemma on writing an essay on 'a person who has impact on your life',
because I'm keep thinking what I have wrote is not right..
Is it okay if I write about how my thoughts and perspective changed by a person?
People around me are telling me that I should write how I developed and
what were the changes in my life due to the person,
but I have not experienced (I think) any significant changes in my life...

Is it okay if I write about a teacher,
who made me realize how I could be too-confident sometimes
and I should always look back on myself and keep correcting and questioning myself?
I think my attitude changed, but ppl are saying that there should be 'real example'...
But I cannot think of any.. I think I was a too normal girl who had a ordinary life... :(
Will it be not okay to just show how ambitious I am? '-'
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Jan 11, 2009   #2
The example you give sounds fine to me. Just remember to be very detailed and specific in your essay. Don't just tell us about the teacher, related anecdotes that show us how he/she influenced you.
sunnywowo 3 / 7  
Jan 11, 2009   #3
I think the story's perfectly fine! The "impact" doesn't need to be a significant change in your life. In fact, there hardly is any for kids at your age. It can be an insight you gained that is important to you. But when you show how ambitious you are, always try to sound humble. Focus more on your reflection and less on your ambitions in life.

Good luck!
menamilad /  
Jan 11, 2009   #4
your ideas are good but don't write the essay about him..just write it about his influences on you
justinwang 10 / 28  
Jan 12, 2009   #5
It is better to focus more attention on yourself not the teacher.
tasmia01 3 / 14  
Jan 12, 2009   #6
The essay aims at finding out who you are as a person. So rather than writing more about the teacher, write a bit about him and more about how he has influenced your way of thinking / working/reacting with others etc .

Make it all work in ur favor!
good luck!
ohreally 8 / 20  
Jan 12, 2009   #7
Essays should explain more things about you and not the other person...
yasin391 6 / 22  
Jan 12, 2009   #8
If you want to right about a person who impacted on your life, then you should write how you were when you did not meet the person, then explain a transition that developed from you meeting the person which is in your position a teacher. If you did not experience any changes from that person then that person did not impact your life to a point that you can write about that person. But if the teacher did give confidence, then you did change. Just write about the details.
lady_b 3 / 6  
Jan 12, 2009   #9
I thinks its fine just explain what the teacher help you and how it has help you become a better person!
alisa 3 / 21  
Jan 12, 2009   #10
I think this is a great topic. Focus on what and how this teacher has helped, changed and influenced you. when you think about it who do we spend most of our days with, our teachers.
OP chegoyam 2 / 6  
Jan 13, 2009   #11
finished it, finally!
any feedback, criticism, comments will be greatly appreciated... thank you.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Jan 13, 2009   #12
Some feedback on the first paragraph:

"Teachers are significant in their students' lives"

My math teacher who taught me in 8th and 9th grade was a great influence to me; I still try to remind myself what I felt when I was listening to his lectures, when I become lax and uninspired.

"When I was to leave because I was coming to India, I didn't tell him . . ." That you were leaving for India? That he had influenced you? This sentence is ambiguous.

I'll be on later with more comments on the rest of the essay.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Jan 13, 2009   #13
As promised:

"I used to write in my diary about his iinspiring life lessons, but unfortunately my diary was lost during our house-moving." Is the last clause relevant?"

"He wanted us to maximize our thoughts to achieve our full potential ." How exactly does one "maximize thoughts?"

"He told us about himself; "

"and I am excited to discover more about myself more .

Hmmm . . . at this point I'm beginning to find the essay drags a bit. Do you really need to mention the teacher's sarcastic streak? Or explain your personal decision to focus on engineering, which seems to have little to do with your teacher? Maybe you could cut some of the unnecessary details to create a tighter essay?
OP chegoyam 2 / 6  
Jan 13, 2009   #14
Teachers are significant in their students' lives - they are not only students' instructors but also counselors, mentors, and parents. I was lucky to have numerous teachers who sincerely cared about students as their children and gave lessons not only on their subjects but also on life. My math teacher who taught me in 8th and 9th grade was a great influence to me; I still try to remind myself what I felt when I was listening to his lectures, when I become lax and uninspired. He has given me a permanent confidence about myself being a good person. I didn't tell him but kept reminding myself; 'I am going to pay his favor back. I will surprise him by becoming a successful person, and I will tell him that he helped me a lot to accomplish to become what I want to be.'

I used to write about his inspiring lessons in my diary, which is lost during my house-moving; but I remember the essence of it, still. He did not talk about things outside class often, but he told us about what are necessary for us to know to live our lives as students. He wanted us to achieve our full potential in our lives, and he emphasized that our age as teenagers is the most important in our lives. He said that we have to discover what we really like, rather than to follow what others want you to do. He told us about himself; he used to work for Samsung, which is considered to be the best company in Korea, but he refused the chance to receive high salary and became a math teacher, which didn't guarantee him reputation and good fortune. Back then I still didn't know what I like to do the most (I still do not know definitely), and I thought that I should be a math teacher just like him because I respected him a lot. Now I know that I like to create and to deal with mechanical things, which has made me decide to major in engineering; I like math and physics as well, and I am excited to discover more about myself. I realize how important my decision would be in my future, and I should not prioritize money or fame more than my interest and passion. I was strongly persuaded by him that time, it has become my strong argument now; pursuing what you like and what you are good at should be the ultimate goal of your life, rather than pursuing money or reputation.

He is the source of my unfounded confidence that always lie in my heart; whenever a job is given to me, I think that 'I can do this really well.' Before I was a girl who wasn't ambitious and who didn't care about being the best. I was happy about getting B's, or an unexpected A. He always told me that I have potential to be so much better in math, and gave me a comment that surprised me a little bit; 'You will be a very successful career woman.' I think that he gradually made me to desire to do best I could do, by telling me inspiring stories. I never tried for any leadership position when I was in Korea, but when I came to my current high school in India and I decided to try for Assembly Planning Head, after adjusting myself to this new environment. I and my co-head were elected and we had fun running the assemblies and taking part of Student Council meetings. Also I tried to do the best in my science and math classes by studying till the dawn and sleeping for only few hours when I had tests, which I hardly did before; I used to sleep early and wake up early to have a sound sleep every night, not caring about my rank in class. He made me change my general attitude which made me happier; trying my best to achieve the best and getting the result I deserve was one of the greatest joys for me.

He was a king of sarcasm. He hurt us sometimes too, which made us angry and hate him. But actually the sarcasm in his lectures inspired us and made us think deeply. When I told him I had to go to India because my family is moving there, he said, 'Why are you wasting Korea's money? So you have to give our money to other countries, right? How dare you,' in a joking way. I laughed, and said good bye to him. He tapped my shoulders, and said 'You will do well there, too.' The faith he has given me about myself always helped me when I was frustrated and he was always a booster in my mind. I want to be a successful woman who would surprise him and make him proud.

I corrected the parts you pointed out. I mentioned the teacher's sarcasm as his character, which made us think deeply. Is it irrelevant? Also I mentioned engineering to show that I did what he told me to... sort of... does my essay sound like I'm saying the same thing over and over...


Home / Undergraduate / Dilemma on writing an essay on 'a person who has impact on your life'
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳