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diligence and determination:What qualities or unique characteristics you possess


tmw143 1 / 2  
Feb 10, 2010   #1
I would greatly appreciate any feedback on my essay. Thanks!

What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that would allow you to contribute to the UCF community?

"Success is a ladder that cannot be climbed with your hands in your pockets." I stumbled upon this saying from an American Proverb one day and knew that it fit me perfectly.

My unique characteristics that allow myself to stand out from the crowd are diligence and determination. Most people jump straight into their project without really thinking about the job thoroughly. I, on the other hand, tend to take a step back to establish the best way to start and accomplish the task at hand. I do not like to do a job poorly and I will do whatever it takes to get it done the right way, the first time. Determination has always been a quality that I have possessed. Whether it was getting the cookies out of the cookie jar when I was four years old or being the first person in my family to graduate college. For instance, when I graduated high school I told myself that no matter what I was going to do my best in college and receive both my Associate and Bachelor Degrees. So far, I have worked diligently to earn my grades and will be graduating with my Associates degree in two months. I am hoping to get the chance to apply and share my unique characteristics with numerous campus activities, students, and faculty members at the University of Central Florida.

Every job or obstacle that I have had to overcome or accomplish clearly shows my perseverance and dedication. Everyday I use my diligence and determination to climb another rung on my ladder.

Taylor Wall
yin 12 / 38  
Feb 10, 2010   #2
In my opinion, this cannot be considered an essay because it has almost no intro, body, conclusion which are clearly separated.
you mention you two unique characteristics: diligence and determination. I suggest that you write at least 2 paragraphs for the body, one of which will say some more details about "diligent" and the other mention "determined" at length. You should try referring to many others essays for application into colleges in the books or on the internet.

To my view, your essay is too simple for an admission essay. Maybe, this will not lead to success.
In addition, you didn't mention the limit of the words or characters here. :-?
OP tmw143 1 / 2  
Feb 10, 2010   #3
Forgot to mention that this is only one of my essays.. I do not really understand why they call them essays but I had to choose two questions out of four that they listed and answer them. Limit was 250 words per question or 500 words combined. Thanks for the input.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Feb 10, 2010   #4
"Success is a ladder that cannot be climbed with your hands in your pockets."

Unless you are pursuing success in a weird circus act requiring crazy balance on a ladder!!

I, on the other hand, tend to take a step back to establish the best way to start and accomplish the task at hand.----- this does not show that you are diligent or determined. It shows that you are methodical. Consider revising this intro so that it makes sense! :-)

Determination has always been a quality that I have possessed. You already said this. Instead of saying it agan, give an example of determination you used when doing something that is involved wit your interests. For example, show that you have been determined to find success as a ________ (psychologist? Engineer?)

This is not a complete sentence. It has no verb: Whether it was getting the cookies out of the cookie jar when I was four years old or being the first person in my family to graduate college.

:-)
OP tmw143 1 / 2  
Feb 11, 2010   #5
Thanks for the tips!


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