"Success is a ladder that cannot be climbed with your hands in your pockets."
Unless you are pursuing success in a weird circus act requiring crazy balance on a ladder!!
I, on the other hand, tend to take a step back to establish the best way to start and accomplish the task at hand.----- this does not show that you are diligent or determined. It shows that you are methodical. Consider revising this intro so that it makes sense! :-)
Determination has always been a quality that I have possessed.
You already said this. Instead of saying it agan, give an example of determination you used when doing something that is involved wit your interests. For example, show that you have been determined to find success as a ________ (psychologist? Engineer?)
This is not a complete sentence. It has no verb: Whether it was getting the cookies out of the cookie jar when I was four years old or being the first person in my family to graduate college.