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DIPLOMACY; UT Austin Statement of Purpose - transfer essay


utaustin 1 / -  
Feb 6, 2014   #1
I need to send this very soon so please help! I appreciate any feedback. thanks!

At a very young age I remember seeing people out on the streets struggling to survive. Some would beg for food or money, and others would be in the hopes that their struggling days will come to an end. As I got older I started to realize that there are a lot of people out there who are in need of help. I have always had the interest to help others and hoped that one day I could really make a difference in someone's life.

I was born in Colombia and lived there until I was eight years old. In Colombia, there was a part of town that we used pass through to get to my uncles house. In that part of town is where we would see all the poverty that was around us. Whenever we had the chance we would give out food or clothing to those who needed it. It was very sad to see all those people in the streets, but it made me want to help others and do whatever I can to help them whenever they were in need. Ever since then I have always wanted to help others who were less fortunate than me.

Diplomacy was something my dad had always mentioned to me whenever we talked about my future and what kind of career I should look into. When my dad passed away three years ago I started to look more into it and realized that it was something that really captured my interest. With diplomacy I could get the opportunity to travel the world, which is something that I have always wanted to do, but also I would get the opportunity to help make this world a better place to live in. Advocating peace and unity is something that I want to do, and in the future I hope to work in the humanitarian sector or any government sector that will provide me with the chance to make a difference in this world. In the course of me pursuing my dreams of becoming a diplomat or working for the government I would like to complete my Bachelor's degree in International Relations and Global Studies at the University of Texas at Austin.

Studying at UT will give me the educational experience I need to be successful in the future. UT, being one of the most highly ranked schools in the United States, will provide me with experiences that will guide me to becoming the person that I have always dreamt of being. A strong leader with an innovative mind set to make this world a better place. UT will help shape me into the person that I need to be in order to accomplish my dreams. Located in a vibrant and diverse city like Austin, UT will be the perfect university where I can successfully complete my studies.

Going to the University of Texas at Austin would be the best thing that could happen to me as it would provide me with a tremendously unique educational experience. International Relations and Global studies major will provide me with the knowledge that I need in the future if I ever become involved in diplomacy or any other governmental work. Peace Corps would also be something that would interest me in the near future. I cannot think of any other university that could provide me with the educational experience that UT can.
worrywart93 1 / 4  
Feb 6, 2014   #2
Your story sounds very similar to mine! You have a great essay here. You relate the essay to your experiences and why you want to study at UT well, as well as the connection to your chosen field of study.

No corrections here. I think it's excellent the way it is. Good luck!
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Feb 7, 2014   #3
In the course of me pursuing my dreams of becoming a diplomat or working for the government I would like to complete my Bachelor's degree in International Relations and Global Studies at the University of Texas at Austin.

In the pursuit of my dreams of becoming a diplomat or working for the government in the capacity of ????? (tell in what capacity you wish to contribute to your government) , I wish to complete my Bachelor's degree in International Relations and Global Studies at the University of Texas at Austin

Studying at UT will give me the educational experience I need to be successful in the future.

This is fine, but it is better if you highlighted particular features of the program or the uni that would directly help you achieve your goals.


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