This my essay for MIT the topic was:
Describe the world you come from, for example your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?
Constructive criticism appreciated. Thanks!
The world I come from has offered me many diverse opportunities to explore and pursue my interests. From playing Shostakovich's ninth symphony with a full size orchestra to doing research on mosquitoes, I have always been able to find inspiring activities to take part in.
My school has been one of the most important influences on my interests and aspirations. There I have always been able to find encouragement and guidance in teachers and peers. It was at school where I began to have a true desire to pursue science. I can still remember going to the first day of freshman biology and staring at a question on the blackboard. "What is Science?" As the course progressed and the initial question became answered, I became inspired by the sheer power and usefulness of the scientific method. Through teachers at school I was introduced to the Science Research Internship Program and was fortunate enough to experience the joy and frustration of true scientific research while I worked under Dr. Susan Paskewitz in the department of entomology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. This experience above all others has persuaded me to seek an education in science.
The clubs and activities I have taken part in during high school have also had a profound impact on my goals. Science Olympiad, especially, has shaped my interests. When I joined Science Olympiad, I suddenly had a huge variety of scientific areas I could sample and learn about which were not available in regular classes and which I may not have previously considered studying. The result is that I now have a much broader sense of the types of field I may be interested in studying in the future such as entomology or cell biology.
Another large part of my world is music and the Wisconsin Youth Symphony Orchestra (WYSO). Music has been a part of my life since I began to play the viola when I was ten years old, but it is because of playing in WYSO that music truly became a major part of who I am. Never before had I played in a full symphony orchestra or any large group so being in WYSO introduced me to a whole other dimension of playing music I had never experienced before. WYSO also strengthened my musical interests was by giving me a scholarship that made taking private music lessons possible for me. This invaluable gift is one of the main reasons that I have been able to progress my musical education as far as I have. While I do not plan on a music related career, I know that music will continue to be apart of my life into the future.
My family, of course, is a huge part of my world. My parents, especially, have had a major part in defining who I am. Since I was little, they have encouraged me to follow my interests and have provided me with much valued support and guidance. My parents have also helped to shape my attitude, expecting me to always do my very best, whether I am preparing for final exams or taking out the trash. From waking up early to drive me to my university class to giving me advice on what to wear for a concert, my parents have laid down the foundations of my life, allowing me to discover my true self and interests.
I have been lucky to be in a world where I have been able to find support at school, home and elsewhere and opportunities to figure out what directions I want to take for my future. I can now emerge from this familiar world, dreams in hand, ready to forge ahead.
One question, what is the word limit on this? You do a nice job of writing about all the things listed in the supplement and describing them in paragraphs, but for me, I like reading something that builds upon itself, is creative, and is really funny, sad, dramatic, etc. I don't know if this comment goes against the prompt, but I would rather see you talk about one aspect of your life and build upon that, maybe using something to tie in other aspects about you but still keep the same common theme if you know what I mean. Take your love for science, you can expand on it and maybe incorporate clubs or extracurriculars that have something to do with science/math (I'm sure you have a bunch of those if you are applying to MIT), what you have learned from these clubs, what first got you interested in science (maybe tie it in to your family, someone who got you interested in the field). You don't necessarily have to write about science, you can take the same concept and apply it to your music or something else. That's just how I would write it so it's just a suggestion. Hope this helps.
You're not supposed to end a sentence with a preposition ("in"), but people break this rule all the time... Still, you could change this part to:
From playing Shostakovich's ninth symphony with a full size orchestra to doing research on mosquitoes, I have always been able to find inspiring activities in which to involve myself.
It was at school that I began to have a true desire to pursue science.
Great ending here! ---> I can now emerge from this familiar world, dreams in hand, ready to forge ahead.
