College essay
Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.
Coming out of the elementary school it was quite tough for me as a student because I was about to decide a small but very important part of my academic future, that is choosing high school. Decision was quite hard since all of my friends were going to regular public school I was the only one who was deciding on taking a journey at international school which has a strong recognition within universities abroad. Finally I decided that I was going to take a new path and pursuit a different type of education which will hopefully lead towards studying abroad, specifically US.
Few months later I became a student at IB program high school, it was very exciting, but jet very stressful because I had to adapt to the new program and meet new people. I was up to a rocky start. In my freshman year I started being less comfortable to the environment that I was a part of. I really didn't have any problems finding new friends since I'm quite a social person, but the problem was finding myself. I somehow became less passionate for the activities that I was required to do. My school was always left behind; saying to myself "ill finish it later" wasn't the excuse for skipping homework. Days where passing by, but my ambition for education was being at its lowest. I couldn't really focus on my school activities because I was being occupied with doing something irrelevant compared to something that really matters. At times I was thinking about how can I make a change towards a better future, but I wasn't really bothered too much. I realized that the reason of my behavior towards school was mainly because I was still not mature enough to understand the importance of education, as well the influence of my close peers that weren't really paying much attention to school, but only to playing games and going out to clubs. The end of the freshman year was approaching and I started considering how my behavior was ignorant towards my parents who provide my education, but also towards myself because I was the one who had to guide my life the way I wanted, overflown whit great opportunities and I was on a slippery slope to ruin everything. I decided that I needed to change and grow up to become more aware of my actions.
The freshman year came to an end, and I passed the first grade of high school with quite a low score. My parents were disappointed, but what really mattered to me was that I disappointed myself the most. At that point I realized what the consequences of my action were and I was eager to change and I had the whole summer to create a game plan for next school year.
Second grade started, and I was determined to change. People could notice from the get-go that I was trying to show myself in brighter light, willing to work and challenge my abilities. I became more passionate about my lectures and started paying more attention to what teachers were saying. As a result at the end of the second grade I improved my overall score at almost every subject by grade or two. I was lucky enough to be announced as the student who made the biggest breakthrough in generation, when no one believed it could be possible. Even more I started to be active at extra curriculum activities. This developed my communication with other people and also opportunity to develop interpersonal skills. Helping people in elderly dorms really showed me a way to be less selfish and more caring as a person. As I grew older I was eager to become more independent person. Even though travelling since I was a kid around the world gave me quite a lot of experience, living alone at Harvard campus for 4 weeks was the biggest quest for independency in my life. I realized how taking care of yourself can have huge benefits for building up a good character. As well I realized how US is only place where I want to bring up my education for good.
I believe that reaching adulthood is a process that takes time, but you can only successfully accomplish it by looking deep into your character and find things that are needed for a change. Personal experience is very helpful, even though sometimes it can be painful, it is the best way to become an adult.
(100 words over the limit)
Wonderful first draft ; this essay is full of potential. I can see where you're trying to get at but unfortunately the main idea isn't clearly identified in the essay. There are ALOT of sentences that you could do without and also alot of grammatical errors( I take it that English isn't your native/first language/but for a non-native English speaker you're pretty good at writing and probably write better than some people thorough bred Americans that i know). You should have a native English speaker proofread your essays for such grammatical errors seeing as they aren't so hard to spot(or maybe somebody from this site, unfortunately i'm a bit strapped for time).
Excellent closing sentence but...What prompted you to believe that personal experience is painful?
i could comment on alot more, but i dont really have the time now.
Thanks for the replay. True, I'm not a strong writer, but I believe that my story has a lot of potential. Thanks again!
If anyone has time to help me out, I will appreciate it. I'm applying to US in 2 days, so its quite urgent!
