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'Discovering my passion for learning and math' - COMMONAPP


duckling 1 / 5  
Jan 13, 2012   #1
This is my common app essay for applying to colleges with January 15 deadlines. So obviously, I need help, immediately! The sooner, the better.
The essay is too long and I would be happy if you could find ways to trim it down. Now the words count is near 700 and the word limit is 500!

Please help find a focus too. Be harsh please!!!

Prompt: Evaluate a significant experience, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

Discovering my passion for learning and math

A point P is marked on the diameter AB of the circle with center O. A chord LM is drawn parallel to the diameter touching the circle at L and M. Prove that PA squared + PB squared = PL squared + PM squared.

When the teacher first assigned me that geometry problem, I didn't give much of a thought for this problem. I don't remember what caught my attention to this problem in the first place. The time I got from home, I didn't play with my younger brothers, as I usually did when i got home from school. Rather, i sat on my study table, trying to find solutions to the problem. I have never quite tackled that kind of problem before. i had an aversion to geometry problems since my days in middle school, when i was first introduced to geometry.

although i take pride in myself in other areas of math for doing well, "the study of the measures of earth" or geometry has never been my strength. In facet, it was quite the opposite. and i had grave difficulty understanding even the easiest of geometry problems. i remember i had to study the entire day the proof that the angle sum of every triangle is 180. somehow, i just seemed to lack the part of the brain to reason with the diagrams. yet, that day, i felt like to try out the problem it was not going to be easy , i knew. but i had got to try i thought. so i started staring at the problem and the diagram that accompanied with it. i tried to understand what the problem asked and find out the peculiarities of the problem. then i thought of which theorems would do the trick. i thought i might have to apply the Pythagorean theorem and the properties of rectangles, and the properties of circles and chords. so i started drawing the lines that helped form the right-angled triangles and rectangles. then i jotted down every equation that came to my way.

Sometime later, i had amassed the bunch of equations to work with . then I rearranged the equations to get the required equation but somehow it was not quite the answer though i came close to the answer. I now know that it was because i forgot to apply an important concept to the problem. I couldn't' still figure out the problem when it was dinner time. i was sure to miss the dinner if not for the smells of the pickled tea salad.that drew me tho the dining room. i resumed my work after dinner well past my normal time of going to bed. my mother dragged me to my bed room , and turned the light out. I knew I couldn't sleep if i did not solve the matter at hand once and for all. i continued adding up the solutions, drawing lines and figuring out the peculiarities along the way. some hours passed, and finally... finally... i got the answer! i was ecstatic, i looked on and on at the solution from top to bottom than from bottom to top a twinge of joy flowed through y body. it was 2am in the morning i wondered what kept me awake all those hours. it was not caffeine., for i did not drink any caffeinated drinks. instead, it was the passion for doing math, constructing a solution and discovering something new. then suddenly, i became aware of something...

The first time i n my life, if i remember correctly , i wondered the meaning of education that i was receiving.i was startled to say the least. in fact i was terrified that for all those previous years, i had been leading a life without true passion and meaning of r learning. i was motivated from time to time to do well on the tests. (even one of my primary reasons to do that geometry problem was to impress my teachers and classmates.) but my concern rarely passe the level of getting good grades, and making a good impress on teachers, classmates and parents. i was taught again and a gain the value of education but i thought of it as merely winning high marks or good grades and finally getting a degree. i was practically unprepared for this revelation, this discovery. i then thought of education quite differently . for the precious ten years or so, i have been living my life quite pointlessly , quite dispassionately , to sum it all up: i was leading a dead life.

Then i realized i had to do something about that matter. i cant just step back and watch as the third person. now i feel i am in the players and i have got to make a good play. i just don't want this sentiment, or this opportunity to pass me up. i had to grasp it. no room for indecisiveness. although i am passionate about the natural sciences, the lack of lab equipment and resources of chemistry and other lab sciences meant math is the logical choice. i had since surrounded myself with math problems and intricate theorems. i convinced some of my friends to come along with me to study at my math teacher's home., where we can enjoy a variety of math books and practice books. we copied the problems to solve them at home. at school we had an informal math club where we discuss math theorems and challenge on e another with math puzzles.

bur my passion for math also extends to other areas, both academic and other social activities, as well.
besareso 1 / 13  
Jan 13, 2012   #2
First of all capitalize all of your i's and after every period

Try to not be so descriptive

i suggest you go to sleep and read it over tomorrow. There are so many small mistakes.


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