Discovery shuttle with crew STS 105 - I have loved aerospace since I was a child.

Hello,
I would like feedback on an transfer admission essay to the University of Texas, Austin. I personally have mixed feeling about the essay.

Prompt:
Statement of Purpose (required for all applicants)

Nursing Applicants: Applicants interested in Nursing should submit Essay A with a focus on their goals of becoming a nurse and/or a career in nursing.

Essay:

I have loved aerospace since I was a child. It was later that I realized that my love for aerospace would fuel a passion for Aerospace Engineering. It began when I was 6 watching the launch of space shuttle Discovery with crew STS 105. Fascinated by the mysteries of space and the extraordinary technology that allowed man to travel to space; this experience sparked a passion that would lead me to pursue understanding how this technology worked. This one experience decided my future. With every passing day my dream of designing the next Saturn V or develop the next great technology that would propel spacecraft farther into space, allowing man to understand more of this mysterious world beyond our own. I believe that becoming an Aerospace Engineer would be the best way to fulfill that dream.

My strength in math and physics will allow me to be an excellent Aerospace Engineering student. As of the last couple years, I have become increasingly interested in computer science; this would make me an unique candidate amongst other Aerospace Engineering students. It has allowed me to develop my problem solving skills and logical thinking. I'm hoping to pursue and minor in computer science and math, if that is at all possible to pursue. I think computer science is a great minor to have when majoring in Aerospace Engineering because it allows for an engineer to understand the interaction of the computer systems and the physical world.

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Nice essay overall. But 2 points I want to highlight.

1. Try to explain more why UT Austin is better . Try to incorporate the courses that you want ot learn and is not seen at UNT. Also research on the certain professors at Austin that will help you achieve your education goal. . Read in a cursory manner their papers and explain in your essay why you feel that professor will help you. It shows the college that you are indeed interested and you did your research .

2. I am confused as to your career goal. How is a PhD going to help you work on your career. Isn't a Maasters enough for you to do that? If both those comapnies you mentioned require only PhD holders as employees then mention it. Otherwise you have to be more clear on the correlation between your education and career goals.

Thank you for your input. I have been looking at the research done at the school and i have some ideas of how to add it into the paper. However, when i comes to your second point getting a PhD is not necessarily because the companies require them it's more because I personally wouldnt not feel that my education is really complete until I earn one. I really dont thing that is a great thing to put into this essay. What is your opinion?

Very Good Selection of points...Very good Essay.
You're telling the reader you that you want to pursue aerospace.Don't mention this in your first line.
Try to make your beginning more interesting. This will generate more interest in your essay and will make your essay more competitive.
Try to make this your first sentence:
Fascinated by the mysteries of space and the extraordinary technology that allowed man to travel to space; this experience sparked a passion that would lead me to pursue understanding how this technology worked.

Once again Very good.

I suggest that since your career goals are more important to you than PhD in this essay , you dont need to mention PhD here, even if you are planning to pursue it.

Doing that will make sure the college doesnt feel the same question I did in point 2.