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To me, Discus was not mere a metal stuff, it was my dream and hope; one of your activities essay


kimku91 /  
Dec 30, 2008   #1
In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).

I threw the discus as far as I can. To me, Discus was not mere a metal stuff, it was my dream and hope. Farther I throw, closer my dream came to me. I participated in the track team, and I chose the Discus field which only two people had chosen, not a popular field. There was no such Discus coach but me. It was my job to figure out how I make the discus go farther and pose a right position. But, through this work, I found myself unconsciously became independent and became confident. I saw myself doing all alone. But, I was not lonely. My parents were always with me in my mind. Every time I throw the discus, it went farther and farther with my dream. I did not stop throwing until the last minute for the competition, because as many I throw, I became stronger.

-My brain is not funtional now. but i had to write the essay in a hurry. I had no time.
this essay looks very poor to me too but, Please anyone revise this essay.
Tootley 4 / 10  
Dec 30, 2008   #2
"Discus was not mere a metal stuff"

not a mere metal disk?

" Farther I throw"

add "the" before

"I participated in the track team"
participated on

there is a lot more, sorry i dont have time to do the rest, I'll look at it later when i have time

the idea is a good one. I think it gets across your passion in the sport
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 31, 2008   #3
I threw the discus as far as I could .

To me, Discus was not merely a piece of metal , it was my dream and hope.

The farther I threw , the closer my dream came to me.

I participated in the track team, and I chose the Discus field which only two people had chosen, not a popular field. There was no Discus coach, only me .

It was my job to figure out how to make the discus go farther and pose a right position. But, through this work, I found myself unconsciously becoming independent and confident .

I saw myself doing it all alone. But, I was not lonely.

Every time I threw the discus, it went farther and farther with my dream. I did not stop throwing until the last minute of the competition, because as many I throw, I became stronger.

Hope this is helpful!!:)


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