In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).
I threw the discus as far as I can. To me, Discus was not mere a metal stuff, it was my dream and hope. Farther I throw, closer my dream came to me. I participated in the track team, and I chose the Discus field which only two people had chosen, not a popular field. There was no such Discus coach but me. It was my job to figure out how I make the discus go farther and pose a right position. But, through this work, I found myself unconsciously became independent and became confident. I saw myself doing all alone. But, I was not lonely. My parents were always with me in my mind. Every time I throw the discus, it went farther and farther with my dream. I did not stop throwing until the last minute for the competition, because as many I throw, I became stronger.
-My brain is not funtional now. but i had to write the essay in a hurry. I had no time.
this essay looks very poor to me too but, Please anyone revise this essay.
"Discus was not mere a metal stuff"
not a mere metal disk?
" Farther I throw"
add "the" before
"I participated in the track team"
participated on
there is a lot more, sorry i dont have time to do the rest, I'll look at it later when i have time
the idea is a good one. I think it gets across your passion in the sport
I threw the discus as far as I could .
To me, Discus was not merely a piece of metal , it was my dream and hope.
The farther I threw , the closer my dream came to me.
I participated in the track team, and I chose the Discus field which only two people had chosen, not a popular field. There was no Discus coach, only me .
It was my job to figure out how to make the discus go farther and pose a right position. But, through this work, I found myself unconsciously becoming independent and confident .
I saw myself doing it all alone. But, I was not lonely.
Every time I threw the discus, it went farther and farther with my dream. I did not stop throwing until the last minute of the competition, because as many I throw, I became stronger.
Hope this is helpful!!:)