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Essay that Discusses My Personal Story

Oct 11, 2017   #1
Can you guy read my essay and see if i matches with my prompt? Does my essay concur with colleges?

Most students have an identity, an interest, or a talent that defines them in an essential way. Tell us about yourself.

My mom is the best example for me

Every day at five o'clock in the morning, while I was still comfortably in bed, I would hear my mom wake up to get ready for the day. At times, I felt slightly annoyed that her movements would wake me from my peaceful slumber, but I never had it in me to complain. When my mother was younger, she had dreams to become a flight attendant; she always said she wanted to reach for the sky. Unfortunately, her dreams got cut short by her conservative parents and a series of unexpected consequences. My amazing mother, however, decided to dedicate her time to being the best parent in the world and took on a laborious job cleaning newly developed houses. Despite her back-breaking job, I vividly remember my mother at all my school functions including parent-teacher meetings, family nights, dances, field trips and graduations. Little did I know, she was taking all those check deductions in order to be with me at school. To this day, I see my mother proudly wake up in the morning and go to work. Her most powerful tool, hard work, is something she will always be proud to pass onto my siblings and me.

In elementary school, I struggled with the work given to me for many years. In fact, I was almost held back two years in a row. My mother's constant presence in my life and the example set created of a hard worker helped me improve my academic life. One day during breakfast, my mother said to me: "When you set your mind to something, work hard, believe and persevere in all things you can accomplish anything." That day, something clicked in my promising brain. Since then, I have been determined to give my all in any activity, class, and sport I choose to partake in. I stayed every day before and after school for tutoring. I sacrificed my recess time for tutoring. I even took my teacher's math and reading exercise books home to do extra practice at home. Hard Work has become a virtue I applied very heavily in my life.

Personally, I believe hard work is defined as a great deal of effort or endurance. To qualify to wear the identity of a hard-worker, one must be willing to sacrifice many things and have a strong sense of self-discipline. I know first hand that this virtue pushes your body and mind to the breaking point. I can say for certain that working hard is not fun, however, I know that hard work always pays off in the end. Without the characteristic of being a hard worker, I would be a different person with distinct friends and aspirations. Throughout the years, I have sacrificed countless nights, days and even years to be where I am today. Currently, I'm the Valedictorian of my high school and I continually pursue growth and seek out improvement.

At times, I thank my mother for her disruptive morning routine. She taught me that through hard work you can overcome any adversity. When I graduate in May, I know my mother will take the day off from work, and use her hard-earned money to celebrate my milestone. She'll cry tears of joy knowing that I can aim my aspirations as far up in the sky as the plane in her dreams.
admission2012 - / 481 90  
Oct 11, 2017   #2

While it is completely normal to want to show adoration of and reverence for your parents, this is not the prompt to do so. This prompt is specifically asking you to discuss YOURSELF. They want to know about something that is so central to your identity that your application would be incomplete if you did not mention it. The bar here is set really high, they want to know what are you obsessed with? What about you would others find intriguing? What are you passionate about? Start here and then you will be on your way to answering this prompt correctly. - Admissions Track
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,535 3447  
Oct 12, 2017   #3
Amey, I will admit that your essay does not properly follow the prompt requirements. However, since you have already devoted time to developing and writing this essay, I would not want to see all of that effort on your part go to waste. Sometimes, a student such as yourself will choose a prompt and write an essay that seems so applicable in your mind. Only to have others tell you that the essay you wrote is not applicable so you have to start over. I always consider what other available prompt topics could fit the essay that was written and then advise that the student change the prompt to suit the essay instead. In this case, I would not ask you to write a new essay to adhere to the prompt requirement because there is always prompt #7 to fall back on that instructs:

Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you've already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.

I firmly believe that you have chosen a pretty good, self explanatory title for your essay topic that already has a inclusive prompt of your creation in it. So, if you would like you, the option to change the prompt to fit the essay could work to your benefit. The prompt of your creation deals with the person who inspires and has influenced you the most. A perfect way to explain the kind of person you have become and how you developed that personality through the influence of the strongest figure in your life.

Then again, if you wish to use the prompt above and write a new essay to suit it, then you can also go ahead and do that. The final choice for the prompt specifications is actually yours to make.
OP theunnamedyoutub 1 / 2  
Oct 12, 2017   #4
What if I make this essay for the following prompt:

What was the environment in which you were raised? Describe your family, home, neighborhood, or community, and explain how it has shaped you as a person.
OP theunnamedyoutub 1 / 2  
Oct 12, 2017   #5
What if I make this essay for the following prompt:

What was the environment in which you were raised? Describe your family, home, neighborhood, or community, and explain how it has shaped you as a person.
benh44 3 / 4  
Oct 12, 2017   #6

While I do somewhat agree with the other post in that it should be more about yourself I think what you have is a good starting point if nothing else.I think saying that your mother and her motivation in your life is pivotal in who you are is fine, however, you may want to re-write some of the essay making it lean more toward how your mother has affected your life and who you are now because of it

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