ok... well... here it is...
instructions were: "Please describe the circumstances leading to your separation from the College. Explain how these circumstances have been corrected or resolved. Provide any additional information you feel will support your application."
After the spring semester of 2008 I was dismissed from the college as a result of meager grades. I know now that I'm the only one to blame so I accept full responsibility of my grades and the choices I made that caused them. I had a great opportunity to learn and grow academically at a highly esteemed school, but due to my ignorance and indiscipline that chance was lost.
When first arriving at TCNJ, I expected very little in terms of academic workloads. I perceived the college experience as it was portrayed in movies. Rather than spending time studying and doing homework, I spent most of my time socializing or attending to various club events. It hadn't occurred to me that, unlike high school, I couldn't skip homework and studying and still pass. When receiving my grades at the end of that semester, I made excuses for why I did poorly not yet coming to terms with my accountability. After going through about half of the next semester, I realized I was on academic probation and in jeopardy of being dismissed. Learning for the first time what academic probation and dismissal was, I tried to compensate by working a harder. Unfortunately, my measly study habits proved inadequate and it was soon too late to recover.
After I was dismissed from the school my parents convinced me to enroll at Burlington county college. Ashamed of my prior failure and still frustrated at myself for allowing it to happen, I couldn't focus on school work and I became mildly depressed. Realizing that my carelessness has closed the academic gap with my younger sibling, and spread the gap between me and my friends only added to it. I spent the next year making no academic headway due to my depression. After that year, I finally started to put my past behind me and work on my future. I held on to the thought that because I was accepted into the engineering program to begin with, I have the potential to do better than what I previously displayed.
I started to manage my time in a more disciplined manner. Rather than going out or sitting at the computer all day, I started to spend a great deal of my time studying material from the text books I had bought while at TCNJ. I began working on finding study habits that are effective and work well for me. At a point, I even started to teach myself to read, write, and speak Korean using those very same study habits.
Upon returning to TCNJ, there will probably be challenges academically. However, I have no doubt that after my experiences there is nothing I couldn't overcome. I strongly believe that I'm prepared to not only return, but to succeed in every aspect of college life. Thank you for your time and I respectfully request that you consider my readmission into TCNJ.
Its well written- clear, concise, and genuine. Its convincing, I don't see why they wouldn't readmit you.
The good news is that this essay shows excellent writing skill. You can't write well if you are unable to think well, so this proves your ability.
I think this paragraph should be changed: After I was dismissed from the school my parents convinced me to... Do not talk about parents convincing you to attend community college. Talk about wanting to dedicate yourself entirely to your studies, and talk about experimenting with the various study methods you tried. Regardless of how you scored at community college, describe it as a process by which you perfected your approach and learned how to conquer every academic challenge in a methodical, systematic way.
*** People work 8 to 10 hours each day, so it is not too difficult to spend 3 solid hours in the library 3 days each week. That is usually enough to become a star student. I'm talking about 9 EXTRA hours of studies each week.