Hello, everyone! This this the first time I post my essay here and this essay is for transfering the UT so I'm a little bit nervous. I haven't write any essay for nearly a year and I'm not sure on how well I do on writting essays. It gives me a hard time to think of a title for this essay and I don't really know if it stays on topic. Any sugguession and help would be appreciated!
Essay prompt:
Choose an issue of importance to you - the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope - and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.
and here is my essay:
As Newton's first law often stated, "An object at rest remains at rest and an object in motion remains in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force." People change when something happens in their life. Perhaps a political event occurred. Perhaps a union strikes in front of the White House. Perhaps a traffic accident witnessed. Perhaps a long conversation with a close friend. That "unbalanced force" makes differences in people's life by just a thought, no matter that's a huge dream or a tiny little thought. Unfortunately, that "force" changes me was my mother's death in 2009.
Few years ago, my brother and I moved to the United States seeking for better education. My parents had to stay in Taiwan in order to provide us enough money to live in America. In the May of 2009, when my brother and I were away from my mother, she passed away because of cancer. We, her dearest children, were not there with her to face her last stage of life.
I still remembered that day which changed my life enormously. My aunt sent my brother and me back to Taiwan without saying much. We had no idea of what was coming toward us. After twenty-two hours transporting from airports to another, my brother and I arrived to our homeland. My father, however, was not there as he always was; my aunts and uncle were there. While driving home, one of my aunts told me the news, I tried to be brave enough to not cry or weep, but the moment I opened the front door of my house, it was all unprepared. The picture of her sitting neared the window, the people standing silently and all the facial emotion, solemn and serious, reminded me this wasn't a joke. It was real and it was happening.
Suddenly, all the memories with my mom and things I had done to her came across my mind-I didn't talk to her for months, I did not say "Happy Mother's Day!" to her few weeks before, the time I was inpatient with her hearing impairment and times I felt embarrassed around my parents as all the teenagers did. Those things can't be changed and can't be created anymore. I couldn't tell what I exactly felt in that moment; the emotions seemed all mixed together. All I remembered was I felt remorseful. In twenty-one century, seven thousand miles wasn't really a distance, the communication across the world by network, airplanes, and telephone were very convenient. But I was still the one didn't reach them due to the distance. It shouldn't be a problem for being overseas.
The "force" that changes life might be good or bad. For me, that change is good. I realize the important of family. It is there for me the whole time and they cannot be replaced by anyone else. I am not going to let that regret happens again. I talk to my family everyday; I never want to lose them by distance. I would do things for people whom I love and never want to miss while they are alive. "It's too late." is not in my book. "Now" is the key word. "Never give up" is my faith.
...acted upon by an unbalanced force." ---Is this really what it says? I don't know if the word unbalanced is correct. Maybe I am wring.
Keep the verb tense the same:
People change when something happens in their life. Perhaps a political event occurs. Perhaps a union strikes in front of the White House. Perhaps a traffic accident is witnessed. Perhaps a long conversation with a close friend provides insight.
Above, I made a lot of small changes.
That "unbalanced force" makes differences in people's life lives by just a thought, no matter if it is a huge dream or a tiny little thought.
Use a comma:
It was real, and it was happening.
Suddenly, all the memories with of my mom and things I had done to her came across my mind; I had not talked to her for months, had not said, "Happy Mother's Day!" to her few weeks before; the time I was inpatient with her hearing impairment and times I felt embarrassed around my parents as all the teenagers did. ----Wow, this is profound, excellent writing. I am impressed!
"Never give up" is my faith.---Excellent. This is one of my favorite essays.
