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"An out-of-district student" - What about being a student at BU most excites you?

shmoolio 1 / -  
Jan 3, 2019   #1

An out-of-district student

Passionate and intrigued by the path of medicine, the vast amount of academic and professional opportunities that are available at Boston University are highly appealing to me. From programs such as the pre-medical tracks and focused pre-medical advising, Boston University is genuinely able to provide me with a focused and direct approach towards my passion and career. However, the strong community presence on campus at BU is what truly finalized my decision to apply.

Ever since my freshman year in high school, I strove to connect myself with the Oak Park community, one that was foreign to me as an out-of-district student. The unique way in which I accomplished this personal goal was through participating and leading the Oak Park Broadcasting Club. Understanding the strong bond that people share with sports, I felt that I would be able to not only immerse myself into the local community, but assist others in doing so as well. At Oak Park, I was determined to build a strong and tight-knit community through the power of sports, and continue to do so as the President of Oak Park Broadcasting in my senior year.

Being able to attend an institution that values community is what excites me most about attending Boston University. Allowing people to feel a part of a community is essential to promoting a successful and effective student experience. I feel that by bringing this unique approach to create an improved student life, I will be able to create a stronger community surrounding BU and maintain the tremendous amount of involvement in the campus that hosts over 34,000 students like me.

With this said, I am thrilled to continue to promote a strong and unique community, while also participating in the rigorous academics and excellent research programs, at Boston University.

I would really appreciate the feedback on the essay!!

Hawaiiiiii 4 / 7 1  
Jan 3, 2019   #2
Hi, i think one of the main problems of this essay is that it lacks specificity. The idea of " I want to join BU because it boasts a unique community" is too broad and can apply to thousands of schools across the country alone. Look at it this way, if I substitute "Boston university" with another school's name throughout the essay, it still remains relatively unaffected which shows signs of a cookie cutter response.

You say you're interested in the pre-medical program, try to talk about what makes the oppurtuinities at BU for this specific program stand out to you. Maybe an influential professor or research program? Also describe, not list, how you are going to improve your understanding of ur interest. Like talk about what specific skills you want to develop.

But if you're very adamant about continuing with this topic, maybe list specific ways in which you want to contribute to the community. Give examples of some extracurriculars you're interested in participating at BU to help you achieve your goal of immersing yourself into the BU culture.

Also, although a background on why you value community is fine, you spend waaaayy too much words explaining why you like community so much (it's your longest para!), and to be honest, it doesn't really answer the prompt of why "BU", but rather, a background of yourself.

Furthermore, maybe it's just me, but don't say "34,000 students like me." It's sort of implicitly suggests that the school lacks diversity and kind of puts me off :/

But yah, just try to research more about what the school offers you. Specifics are key to making a standout essay imo :) good luck!
Holt - / 7,530 2001  
Jan 4, 2019   #3
Ofek, this essay sounds more like you want to become part of the Oak Part community, rather than Boston University. You are only using the university, as per the presentation in this essay, to become part of the community that you have always wanted to become a part of. That is the weakest and most irrelevant reason for choosing a university to study at. Your total essay, when you remove the Oak Park reference, does not indicate a clear reason for your decision to apply to BU. All of your reasons are generic, without basis, and without a clear academic and professional aspiration that led you to choose BU. What is it about BU's academic offering, in relation to your chosen major, that you feel best aligns with your desires for a relevant education? How does this academic interest, as responded to by a BU education offer you an opportunity to achieve your career goals? There are no definite responses to that question in the essay because you focused on the wrong aspect for the discussion. I believe you will have to write a new essay that better responds to the question considerations for a Why BU essay.

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