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'how diverse I actually am' - William and Mary supplemental


Nicole11 3 / 12  
Dec 31, 2011   #1
Beyond your impressive academic credentials and extracurricular accomplishments, what else makes you unique and colorful?

We know that nobody fits neatly into 500 words or less, but you can provide us with some suggestion of the type of person you are. Anything goes! Inspire us, impress us or just make us laugh. Think of this optional opportunity as show and tell by proxy and with an attitude, but please restrict your submission to what will fit on one sheet of paper.

Not many people are aware of how diverse I actually am. Not only am I diverse because of my background, being Puerto Rican and African American, but I'm also diverse as an individual. When you ask most people what type of music they like to listen to they usually answer with one genre, well I'm not most people. I like to listen to every type of music, if you look in my iPod you can see anything ranging from Drake to Taylor Swift. My friends laugh at me when were sitting down at a restaurant and a Justin Bieber song comes on and I know all the words and can sing along to it. I see my selection of music as a perfect representation of the type of person I am. I have friends of all different types, some that might be considered the "popular kids" and others that can be considered "nerds." To me it doesn't matter what type of category they fit in if I get along with them and enjoy spending time with them I will be more than happy to consider them my friends. I think the reason I am able to get along with people from different groups is because of my personality. I am the type of person that likes to make everyone happy and feel comfortable. I believe that not one person should be an outcast and that everyone should be treated equal. Even though I love to have a good time I consider myself mature for my age which I think is one of the reasons I can get along with others.

Please give me feedback I would greatly appreciate it. Should I expand on anything or delete anything? How can I improve it?
msann - / 2  
Dec 31, 2011   #2
"Not only am I diverse because of my background, as a Puerto Rican and African American, I'm also diverse as an individual"

First. If I were you I would say "Not only I am diverse because of my background as a Puerto Rican and African American but also as an individual"

Or if you want to put your first sentence, "Not many people are aware of how diverse I actually am" I would continue with as a Puerto Rican and African American I am also diverse as an individual.

The first 2 sentences you can make it a little bit tight.

Hope this helps :)

Goodluck.
OP Nicole11 3 / 12  
Jan 1, 2012   #3
Thank You so much :)
Alicegz 2 / 25  
Jan 1, 2012   #4
Grammatically wise, it is really good! Overall, it showed your voice and your personality. There were, however, some parts that were a little cliche. Do you think you could find some euphemisms for the "popular kids" and "nerds" part? I think it's best not to write that in your essay. You could just say that you feel comfortable spending time with kids from all kids of cliques. Or that to you, you don't feel like you are hanging out with "cliques". Instead, you feel immersed in your entire community.

Something like that might be better.
Good luck and maybe you can look at my common app essay:)
OP Nicole11 3 / 12  
Jan 1, 2012   #5
Thank you so much for the feedback :)
gparfenov 4 / 12  
Jan 1, 2012   #6
I think the idea of the essay is good, but you have to include something to make it more personal and less generic. You can't just say that you are unique because you are diverse. Maybe if you start with an anecdote it will work better. And delete the "everyone should be treated equal part," it's kind of cliche. Hope this helps (:
OP Nicole11 3 / 12  
Jan 1, 2012   #7
Do you think it would be good if I mentioned how I went to schools that were mostly populated with Hispanics and that I strayed from the norm and tried to find things that i enjoyed and made me who I am?
jadore_lamode68 6 / 37  
Jan 1, 2012   #8
Great ideas, although I think that the word choice could be stronger.
I don't think that listening too different types of music is really unique unless you use something really contrasting like classical Bach and hip hop Tupac ...is there any other area that you consider yourself diverse-languages, food...ect?

Otherwise I think you have a brilliant essay in the making if you go deeper to develop the ideas a bit more.
OP Nicole11 3 / 12  
Jan 1, 2012   #9
Is this better?

(Singing) "He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar. The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star. He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do" I look at my friends who both look at each other and shake their heads and start laughing. They go on to ask me if I am seriously singing a Taylor Swift song right now and I nod and smile and keep singing along. When you ask most people what type of music they like to listen to they usually answer with one genre, well I'm not most people. I like to listen to every type of music, if you look in my iPod you can see anything ranging from Drake to Lady Antebellum. I see my selection of music as a perfect representation of the type of person I am. Not many people are aware of how diverse I actually am. Not only am I diverse because of my background, being Puerto Rican and African American, but I'm also diverse as an individual. I have friends of all different types, some that might be considered the "popular kids" and others that can be considered "nerds." To me it doesn't matter what type of category they fit in if I get along with them and enjoy spending time with them I will be more than happy to consider them my friends. To me I don't feel like I am are hanging out with "cliques" instead, I feel immersed in my entire community. I think the reason I am able to get along with people from different groups is because of my personality. I am the type of person that likes to make everyone happy and feel comfortable. Even though I love to have a good time I consider myself mature for my age which I think is one of the reasons I can get along with others.
saujla 2 / 5  
Jan 1, 2012   #10
Brilliant start although I think you need to delve more into the details and your idea as a whole.
OP Nicole11 3 / 12  
Jan 1, 2012   #11
Any suggestions on how I might be able to end it? I feel like this leaves things hanging.
mikec894 - / 2  
Jan 1, 2012   #12
i see no grammatical errors
it is concise, clear and to the point
good luck!
Chelo 5 / 13  
Jan 1, 2012   #13
You have made a clear point, i like your essay, good luck


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