Good afternoon.
This is my first time on this essay forum and I hope it will help me. I'll admit I am not very good at grammar skills so can someone please check my essay and that it is a good response to the question asked? I want to send my applicationas soon as possible and get it over with before the due date, Dec. 1. Here is the question.
Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences. Only personal essays submitted via our website will be considered. You may enter a maximum of 3800 characters including spaces.
Diversity is the truth that helps us see the real world. Coming from a deprived and stringent family, I was not given much of the opportunity to explore the world nor expand my perspective of it. My life, by far, has been devoted to school and home, studying and working. I was not allowed to participate in many extra curricular activities nor go out with my cousins and friends. At first, I thought my life was going to remain mundane, until one day I realized living this way would not turn out so bad. Then, I came up with a plan.
I figured that if I work hard now, I do not have to worry much about any difficulties that will come my way. I believe God will reward me for my hard work, and that if I put my heart into everything I do, life would reward me with many benefits. Hopefully, someday I will be living life in paradise. In the meantime, I worked diligently in my studies striving for success. The next thing I knew, I achieved straight A's.
Eventually, everything I gave in to my studies paid off. My work was recognized and teachers saw that I had the potential to do so many things. One day, my parents received a letter saying I was nominated to a leadership conference in Washington D.C.. It was very expensive, but seeing that I do well in school, my parents believed I deserved to attend it. When I arrived there, I became friends with several other students from different schools of every state. We were given many opportunities, including individually meeting Representatives, even the Senator! The National Young Leadership Conference was a one time experience in my life, and it was great. Until today, I receive letters from them to attend the other conferences. Surely the Global Young Leadership Conference would have been fascinating as well, but it was much more extravagant.
As time went on, I was given the leadership position as Vice President for Belleville High School's Octagon Club. Being Vice President requires a lot of responsibility and dedication, but I believe we can fully help our community this year. So far we have raised a great deal of money to help those with leukemia. We will soon be helping the Salvation Army in Montclair. It is similar to what I once did at Montclair's Mountainside Hospital. I was assigned to deliver gifts to this one patient at Telemetry. He thought I was a family member, until he saw me in uniform with flowers and gifts from his loved ones. The nurse was sitting at her desk right outside the door, but he wanted a little company until his daughter arrived. It really is a great experience helping those in need. I love the feeling of being there for someone, bringing their hopes up, and putting a smile on his face. Having just completed a quarter of my senior year, I was inducted into National Honors Society. From there, I knew I just had to keep doing what I was doing and not give up. I see that I am just a few steps away from paradise. The next step was college.
As I was looking for colleges to apply to, I came to the conclusion that I would benefit best from Rutgers University as it would with me. During the summer, I visited Rutgers University in New Brunswick and I loved the place. Rutgers University is very diverse, delightful, and invigorating. That is the place I need, a place that is different. You are always surrounded with something to do and there are lots of different people that can just light up your day. In return, I will gladly continue to do my best in anything it has to offer, and when I reach the point where I am doing well in life and reach paradise, I can acknowledge Rutgers University for allowing me to see the real world and for allowing me to live the real life.
This sentence is unclear; My life, by far, has been devoted to school and home in the books , studying and doing work.
At first, I thought my life was going to remain mundane, until one day I realized what was happening (?) and made a plan.
I figured that if I work hard now, I do not have to worry much about any difficulties that will come my way.
...and that if I put my heart into everything I do, life would reward me with many benefits.
The place was veryRutgers University is diverse, delightful, and invigorating.
Your essay is coming out well! You can clarify most of it by reading it out loud to yourself to see if it sounds right.
Diversity is the truth that helps us see the real world (the use of "thing" is vague)
home in the books, studying and doing working . (the "school and home in the books" is confusing, I don't understand the meaning of it)
I will not have to worry much on any difficulties that may come my way
I just love the feeling
Having just completed a quarter of my senior year, I am a selected student for National Honors Society (The verb tenses confuse me. Keep the first part and try "was inducted into...")
Its a little rough. Re-read it to yourself to make certain if it makes sense to you, but good job on your essay regardless!
