Topic:
Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment?
This is a VERY RAW version of what I was thinking to write. Should I just scrap this all together or does it have potential? Is it good or do I need more, tell me what it needs. All feedback is greatly appreciated!
Every person I've ever encountered in my life has been different from the last, their lives unrelated and their stories unique. And every place I've ever seen has been an eruption of new sensations, each a picture of the world I've experienced. One by one I've stored these chronicles inside of me, the memories becoming somewhat of a library. And as I picture the inside of my mind, a myriad of different experiences and people I've met, I think about how each one has shaped who I've become. Was the night I walked through New York City, staring into the vastness of a sky I could never reach, the one that shaped how I saw the world? I suppose, for all I see now is a wondrous playground filled with so many opportunities it's staggering. Was the day I went to a cat adoption, looking into the hopeful faces of such vulnerable beings, the day that built this obligation to society inside of me? Probably, for I now possess a need to do something bigger with my existence, to affect the lives of others in a positive way. And was the day I attended my uncle's funeral the day I truly learned how devastating time can be? Surely, for now I realize that life can stop for anyone, but the world will keep on spinning as if you had never existed at all.
For every friend I've ever made, every quote I've ever liked, and for every feeling I've ever experienced a part of me has developed, turning me into a diverse individual with my own "vibrant" background. It was once said by famous writer, Antoine de Saint-Exupery "A single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born." Well I believe that every incident that has occurred in my life has allowed me to fully live, shaping the person inside of me. Rutgers is a vibrant and diverse community, one where I anticipate meeting new people and adding more shades and hues to my coat of (already) many colors. But I hope to contribute my own experiences, life,and identity as I try to connect the worlds together.
Was the day I went to a cat adoption, looking into the hopeful faces of such vulnerable beings, the day that built this obligation to society inside of me? Probably, for I now possess a need to do something bigger with my existence, to affect the lives of others in a positive way. And was the day I attended my uncle's funeral the day I truly learned how devastating time can be? Surely, for now I realize that life can stop for anyone, but the world will keep on spinning as if you had never existed at all. Every person I've ever encountered in my life has been different from the last, ....
How would you feel about changing the first paragraph to this? It makes it start out in a much more interesting way. Also seems to flow better and add drama.
Your ending paragraph is great, I like the part about adding shades and hues to your coat of many colors.
Hmm, I think you should describe what your "coat of many colors" consists of, just so you don't sound arrogant like.. ha I'm too good for describing myself in three words.. I don't know if that makes any sense. You're a great writer btw :).
