Prompt: What was the environment you were raised in? Describe your family, home, neighborhood, or community, and explain how it has shaped you as a person.
My diverse upbringing
I was raised in a household with two immigrant parents who loved their culture. My parents made the sacrifice of coming to America so that when they had kids they would have a good life. Though I am born and raised in America, my parents always did the most to ensure I never forget my Indian heritage. From my earliest memories as a toddler till today I always remember celebrating Indian Holidays, eating plenty of Indian food, and going to cultural schools on Sundays. As a child I never appreciated all this, I thought that since my friends do not have to do these things then I should not have to either. I never fully appreciated my culture and its significance until I grew older and found how it shaped me.
Until high school I had attend a public school with student of many different cultures and religions. For high school I transferred to a private school that is predominately white and Catholic. As my first day came I did not know what to except, I was the only Indian in my grade and one of the few students who was not Catholic. Many of my peers did not know anything about my culture or religion. It was common for me to receive questions about my culture and find myself having different beliefs than most of the other students. I felt like I did not fit in almost as if I was an outsider, but this difference gave me the chance to grow and be more open. As time went on I began to openly share my culture and it gave me a feeling of uniqueness. The second half of my freshman year I had the opportunity to join three upperclassmen in creating our schools first every Culture Fest. The event showcased food, culture, and religions from all parts of the world. I had the chance to share things from my own culture and religion while and also learn about others. I realized that my culture was a gift that I was able to share with the rest of the students in my school. After becoming more open I also felt more comfortable getting involved with more club and activities. One of these activities was Student Government in which I met people and organization, such as Special Olympics which sparked my interest in service for others. My Culture lead to me finding myself in things I would have never thought of being apart of.
Through my life I learned that my culture was one of my most valuable assets when it came to finding myself. My parents giving me the exposure to my culture gave me opportunities that I would never had. It gave me the chance to go and learn things about myself that I had never known.
Any advice is appreciated
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,535 3447
JPatel, the essay that you developed has points that touch on the prompt that you chose. However, the essay seems to be more attuned towards a different prompt description. I would like you to consider using this essay for the following prompt instead:
Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
As I reviewed your essay, it became apparent that you were sharing more of a background story that helped to introduce more of who you are as a person, a member of the academic community, and an individual than the environment that you were raised in. Yours is more of an immigrant family story than a story that depicts how various influences helped to shape you as a person.
I felt, as I read the narrative, that you were sharing not just your story in this essay but your parents as well. This made the essay more personal in nature and less mechanical in presentation. There is a sense of personal interest in the way that you shared the story which was far greater than a simple description of the environment that you came from. That is why I made the suggestion to switch the prompt topics instead. I hope that you consider my suggestion.
I think this was good essay aside from the typos that you have here. Since most Texas state schools utilize their own version of the common app, you do not have the option to pick a common app prompt. However, I do not think you needed to anyway as this essay is certainly about your personal background circumstances and how the different environments have helped shape the person that you are today. I especially liked the fact that you started a cultural club and through that experience, you became more open to explore. Admissions committees really like when students broaden their horizons to tackle situations that may initially be uncomfortable for them. Your ending was also simple yet extremely impactful. I think this was a straight forward great essay. - Admissions Track
Thank you for your feedback, I am seriously considering switching the essay to Topic B for Apply Texas and do plan on using it for the common app prompt you suggested.
Thank you, I was curious to whether you think this essay is a better fit fo the prompt listed or the following prompt.
Prompt: Most students have an identity, an interest, or a talent that defines them in an essential way. Tell us about yourself.