Diversified Health Occupations class essay, need help.

ok i am suposed to take these questions and turn them into a full essay for my teacher..PLEASE help me make it better. I really need it to be AWSOME

thanx for you help
brandie duncan :]

Think about why you are here today. List three reasons that you signed up for this class.

1. my major is health.

2.i knew this class would help me in the future.

3.i thought the things we would be learning were really cool.

List 3 things you expect to learn in this class.
1. I'm kind of expecting to learn a lot of things that you should and shouldn't do.

2.I'm expecting to learn CPR, because i think someone mentioned something about that.

3.a lot of health terms.

List 5 goals that you will work to accomplish this year.
1. well iv never been anywhere neer as good in a class as most people,so I'm really going to try to do better.

2.i usually miss a lot of school,so this semester i am really going to try not to miss school.

3. i am going to try and keep my grades up to at least a C.

List 3 long term goals for your life.

1. i want to go to collage so i will have something to fall back on if anything would ever happen

2.be the best i can be ..at everything i do.

3. get married and have kids

What bstacles might you encounter.

well its really hard to tell what kind of obstacles i might encounter. Life is full of challenges, but it will probably be hard to get threw college. Sometimes its hard to be the best you can be, when you think your not very good at something. And marriage is hard and kids are even harder. There for i will probably encounter a lot of obstacles but i believe i can overcome anything i want to.

How can you overcome these obstacles

the only way to overcome any obstacle is to work at it, and be patient. Somethings are hard, but you just have to keep going. never give up.

extra credit..

i think the best way i learn is the hands on method. I get board very easily and when I'm bored i just don't learn very well. Sometimes Lectures are good. If I'm in the mood for it and take notes. I just hate doing the same boring thing day after day. I love to have fun and it makes it easier to learn when your doing something you enjoy.

the essay

Why I Chose this Class

I signed up for this class because my major is health. It's what I've always wanted to do. I knew this class would help me in the future, because i know it will teach me things I will need to know in the health field. And this class seemed to be really fun and interesting.

In this class I am expecting to learn a lot of things that you should and shouldn't do, because already we are doing the Promotion of Safety and Using Body Mechanics. I'm kind of expecting to learn CPR, because I think someone mentioned something about that, but I'm not sure. I am also expecting to learn a lot of health terms.

Some goals I would really like to accomplish this semester is to be a better student, because I've never really been that good in school. I would really like to change that. I usually miss a lot of school,so I am also really going to try not to miss so much school. Then maybe I could pass all of my classes. Another goal I would like to reach is to keep my grades up to at least a C hopefully above.

My long term goals are to go to collage, so I can support myself and not have to depend on anyone else for anything. Threw out my whole life I want to be the best I can be, at everything single thing I do. Another long term goal is to get married and have kids.

Its really hard to tell what kind of obstacles I might encounter. Life is full of challenges, but it will probably be hard to get threw college. Sometimes its hard to be the best you can be, when you think your not very good at something. And marriage is hard and kids are even harder. There for I will probably encounter a lot of obstacles but I believe I can overcome anything I want to.

The only way to overcome any obstacle is to work at it, and be patient. Somethings are hard, but you just have to keep going. You have to make yourself never give up and if you love it enough it will all work out.

I think the best way i learn is the hands on method. I get board very easily and when I'm bored i just don't learn very well. Sometimes Lectures are good. If I'm in the mood for it and take notes. I just hate doing the same boring thing day after day. I love to have fun and it makes it easier to learn when your doing something you enjoy.

Try to avoid informal language, such as "I'm kind of expecting to learn CPR, because I think someone mentioned something about that, but I'm not sure" and "Its really hard to tell."

Use "I" instead of "i" consistently.

Try to illustrate some of your points with specific examples. At the moment, your language is really general.

Good advice from Sean.

I signed up for this class because my major is health. (what is?) what I've always wanted to do. I wonder what, specifically, you plan to do in the field of health and wellness.

Hey, go over this a few times like adding coats of paint! It is already looking good. Try to have fun with it, and make it rhythmic. Make it profound by surprising the reader with your most original insight into health as taught in school. What I mean by adding coats of paint is... when you start with an outline like this, it is great to read through it over and over and see what you can add, take away, connect together, etc. Use this as a tool for self-expression!

In my opinion, your reasons of choosing that class is a little bit self-centered. Your major is about health, right? You study it just because it can help you in the future, and it's cool. Just for yourself, that's all?

( Honestly, I think Health Occupation must have a more elevated aim...)