Prompt:The University values an educational environment that provides all members of the campus community with opportunities to grow and develop intellectually, personally, culturally and socially. In order to give us a more complete picture of you as an individual, please tell us about the particular life experiences, perspectives, talents, commitments and/or interests you will bring to our campus. In other words, how will your presence enrich our community?
Walking through the hallways of Cambridge Rindge and Latin, only a glance is necessary to notice how truly diverse we are. Our student body is roughly half white and half minority, encompassing a wide variety of cultural backgrounds. Our teaching staff is also quite diverse and our readings and studies reflect many different cultures.
However, diversity doesn't alway work. There are many communities where different groups don't mesh at all. Imagine a room full of the most interesting assortment of people, yet no one feels like talking and everyone is silent. What I have learned is that without communication and integration, diversity is purposeless. Cambridge is special because there really is genuine interaction and connection between different groups. My friends come from numerous races, nationalities and socioeconomic backgrounds. In of each of my extracurriculars - soccer, baseball and debate - diversity has never been an obstacle to team chemistry and success. Despite the achievement gap present in our society at large, my AP and honor classes are relatively diverse.
At CRLS, Diversity contributes to learning and understanding. When we studied the Haitian Revolution in history class, the Haitian students helped us understand how the leader of the Revolution, Toussaint L'Ouverture, was their national hero shrouded in folklore, and described what it had been like to live in Haiti. This perspective was more real than anything we had read in our books.
Diversity has taught me that, if we do not communicate and engage with each other, we cannot gain or learn anything. As my experiences have demonstrated, diversity clicks only if there is curiosity, excitement and interaction. The college campus I hope to attend would work in exactly the same manner. The individual features that we bring to the table can culminate to form a larger identity that is rich and multifaceted. Next fall, my intellectual curiosity and proactive outreach will make me a strong contributor to this process.
I'm really looking for critique if this answers the prompt or not. Please be honest and hash if necesary. Thank you
Ok, here is what I think: I like how you use a particular example about Haitian Revolution and your positive experience with Haitian students, because that is what your question is all about-- particular life experiences, perspectives, ... .
However, I don't really think that you need to talk about diversity not being able to mix up, that's irrelevant and something that colleges don't want to hear. But if you do decide to take that approach, talk more about how much you interact with people and use different ice breaking technics compared to others or something, but again make it particular, your experiences. You mention how you have friends from diverse nationalities-- tell us more about it. Than you talk about interests, like soccer and baseball, add something about teamwork and how much you enjoy it.
"Despite the achievement gap present in our society at large, my AP and honor classes are relatively diverse." I am not sure what are you trying to say here. Do you mean like you classes are diverse but you guys actially interact and communicate to each other quite well, if so try to explain why?
"As my experiences have demonstrated, diversity clicks only if there is curiosity, excitement and interaction"-- I really like you thesis.
Then you do mention that you are a part of a debate class, again explore into it. Say something like you guys talk about lots of different topics, how well rounded you are and even though it is a debate we all agree to disagree and you highly respect that.
