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Diversity has no bounds, Diversity can be made up of all creatures or all matter - Boulder answer

Cow5215 2 / 6  
Nov 29, 2014   #1
Prompt: Given the statement above, how do you think you could enrich our diverse and inclusive community, and
what are your hopes for your college experience?

Please help, I feel a little bit better now with this one. This is the second essay for CU Boulder.

Diversity has no bounds, Diversity can be made up of all creatures or all matter. At University of Colorado Boulder the culture and the people are so diverse that they are not bounded. That is what satisfies me when I think of this college. When I attend college next year I believe that I am bringing in yet another non-bound person. I am a student that has the thirst for that knowledge, and that future that will be untethered in the future. As the youngest from a family of seven I have learned and dealt with a lot of pressure, death and sorrow. I have learned to overcome that, I know that a school that is a flagship 2030 school they can deal with big changes. When I step foot in school I will make a social change and I will show the thirst for knowledge, the motivation and the rigor just like any other student. The truth is, diversity is what one makes it, and what one chooses to be. So do I choose to be different? Yes I do.

As a young student I have many hopes for college, from being in school to having some free time. In my college experience I want to be able to excel at my major and when I graduate I want to be able to lead myself and my family. I want to find the right dream and I want to live a life that when I leave college, I have the knowledge and the know how to go straight into the work force with no worries. Also, I would love to meet new people and to do new activities. I believe that this college will be able to do all my expectations and beyond.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Nov 30, 2014   #2
Aaron, you actually wrote a lot of words but still ended up not answering the prompt questions properly. You need to revise the content to reflect the following:

1. What are your academic and extra curricular hopes for college? Detail the kind of college experience you look forward to having while you are at CU. Do you want to party all the time? Study all the time? Or find a balance between the two? How do you plan to do that?

2. You spoke about the student community but did not really present any ideas as to how you plan to improve the college experience for yourself and others like you. Some possible answers to that question include starting your own club or organization, volunteering for specific activities, or engaging in student government. Those are but some topics that you can discuss in that paragraph.

The essay need not be overly long. Just answer the questions directly using my guide and you should be able to formulate a new draft that we can work on improving :-)

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