This is my essay to Columbia so I'd like it to be really good. Be as critical as you need to be. (-:
For some background info: human rights will probably be the major that I go into just because I plan on going to law school anyway so my major doesn't matter a ton. also by "marginalized ethnicity and gender" i just mean that I'm a black woman. marginalized in some way both by being black and by being a woman (obviously). but admissions already knows that from my application so didnt need to put it in the essay (or should i?)
Anyway, the prompt is: Please tell us what you find most appealing about Columbia and why?
I've always imagined myself living in an urban environment. Not to fulfill the stylish T.V cliché of a fast-paced city life, but merely because I'm fascinated by people. So, being located in bustling New York City provides a starting point for me to engage this part of myself. Columbia's diverse composition enables me to share ideas with like-minded and not so like-minded individuals, all of whom help to expand my social and political values. Having room to discover the nature of art, of language and of the experiences of others prepares me for a kind of learning outside of the classroom. Learning, with an entire generation of students, to become civically engaged, and to dismantle stereotypes by creating communities. Columbia offers courses in human rights and multicultural studies, both of which would give me the knowledge and voice to seek social reform - a fundamental goal for my future. Not to mention the cultural-historical scope of the core curriculum. The dynamic of Columbia's classes unites creativity (in writing and research) with critical pedagogy, an important force behind almost every revolutionary movement. I'm driven to higher-level education at Columbia for more than just prestige. It is because being a part of a marginalized ethnicity and gender means that my own experiences are contribution to improving diversity in an educational spaces. It is because education is the instrument of social change, and everything in me wants to guide that change.
Kennedy, I'd like to share my views on your essay.
- but merelythis is because I'm fascinated by people.
- So, being located in bustlingHaving lived in New York City provides
- whom help me to expand my
-The dynamics of Columbia's classes
- I'm driven to the higher-level education
- at Columbia for more than just prestige.
- It is because bB eing a part of a marginalized ethnicity
- It is because eE ducation is the instrument of social change
- , and everything in me wants to guide that changeand I want to be a part of this change .
I hope the remarks I made helped.
Thank you! How does it look structurally, though? And like, the whole idea. I think I need some critiques on the theme and tone of the essay as well as grammar.
Well Kennedy, structure wise, the essay is fine due to the fact that this type of prompt does not really need anything else
other than the answer to the prompt itself. Columbia put it the simplest way possible, they want to know your drive, your influence
in choosing the institution to be your home and you did just that so I believe it's a well written essay.
Grammar notes, I made in my first remarks already, however, I suggest that you do the practice that I do,
when coming up with a sentence, read it aloud and when it sounds off, that means there's something wrong with it.
This practice is proven effective to keep you from writing a grammatically wrong sentence. The incorporation of your
sentences are good and they answer the prompt direct to the point.
I must say with the remarks I made, I hope you will be able to come up
with a good and ready for submission essay.
Best of luck.
