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Diversity, proper tools, great learning environment;TRANSFER- How IIT will prepare me

Epsilon 3 / 10  
Mar 8, 2013   #1
Hello you guys. I am finishing my application for IIT, and this is my final essay. I would like to hear your honest opinions and any suggestions you have to improve it. Thank you.

Prompt:As a transfer student to Illinois Institute of Technology, tell us how you think IIT will prepare you to be a positive contributor to the world. This is your opportunity to share your goals and how you see IIT helping you achieve them.

Applying to college as an international transfer student who has not had the privilege to visit the different colleges before deciding on one that is suitable for me, I had to rely on other methods to reach my decision. Some of which were online research, and students' reviews and evaluations. Upon my research, and not to my surprise no school no matter how prestigious it is had perfectly positive reviews; however, almost everything about IIT appealed to me, which let me to take a firm decision to apply to it with the hope of being able to study there.

The fact that international students form a large percentage of the student body shows how the university encourages diversity and welcomes people with different cultures and different backgrounds. As an international student, not only do I admire how IIT appreciates people from different cultures, allowing them to benefit from each-others' various backgrounds and experiences, but also can only imagine how welcoming it is to be there.To be in a hybrid and friendly environment like such would contribute to the efficiency of my work, which would positively affect my success.

Besides a suitable environment, a great education is very important, and it requires many components, one of which is a highly experienced faculty not just with the subject they're teaching, but also with how to teach it. I believe IIT provides not only that, but also an intelligent integration of technological resources in the learning process. I believe that such things are the things that change our perspectives of education from the traditional view where the student merely gets information from a teacher to a life-changing process that really impacts our outlook on life and pushes us a step closer to success.

There is nothing that makes me feel more alive than achieving something I've worked very hard for. Therefore, it was a delight reading numerous reviews on how challenging the course work is, and while a few people may view this as a negative, this is an absolute positive quality in my opinion. Among the reasons we go to college is to learn new things, and challenge definitely gives us that that and more. It strengthens our character by giving us skills such as being self-learns, better thinkers and pushes us to become better versions of ourselves.

Even though this school provides a diverse social atmosphere, a great learning environment, and the proper tools to a successful education, I know it will provide me with something far more valuable, and that is the idea that no school no matter how prestigious of a school it is will not do my work for me. I am aware that studying at IIT will not be easy, and that I have to work hard to establish myself and the skills that I am hoping to learn by being at this school are beyond achieving a certain degree of knowledge, or being prepared for a particular career to achieve my dream job, but to have endless dedication towards my goal at a particular time, and to never stop improving myself. And that is believe constitutes a positive contributor to the world.
temptprovidence 8 / 163 35  
Mar 9, 2013   #2
you are not focused on your topic... it requires "how you are to matter to the world with a backing of your institution" ... it asks you for your future ambitions as well..and neither of your further goals are mentioned... you need to focus.!!

that was a well written with no worser mistakes than grammar such as insertion of commas... try wordpad (microsoft) wher it underlines grammatical mistakes in green... that can help you off to perfection in many other fields as well such as strength and sense of sentence...!!!

OP Epsilon 3 / 10  
Mar 9, 2013   #3
Thank you for your comment. I thought I sort of mentioned my goals about knowledge for a particular career and becoming a better person. Do you mean it's not clear enough?
temptprovidence 8 / 163 35  
Mar 10, 2013   #4
the writing was clear but i mean that afterall your limitation must be the topic... thats a grave mistake i think... if you write the same points but then correlate them with "the help your studies will be to the world" and with your "ambitions", that can help you... keep the same essay but at the end of each paragraph relate that with topic...

hope i was helpful... good expression you possess overall... :)
OP Epsilon 3 / 10  
Mar 10, 2013   #5
I will work on it some more and update the thread. Thank you very much.
temptprovidence 8 / 163 35  
Mar 11, 2013   #6
now thats perfect i think... not concentrating on mistakes but the material... that was nice revival..!!! :)

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