can you give me your opinion and also help me with the grammar?
Prompt:The Mason IDEA represents our unique institutional characteristics and captures the strength of who we are as a university. Four of Mason's most distinct characteristics comprise the Mason IDEA: innovation, diversity, entrepreneurship, and accessibility, Select one or more of the four components of the Mason IDEA and write about how you exemplify that characteristic.
Diversity was something that was not part of my vocabulary until the day I came to the U.S. Growing back in Peru taught me to see the world from one perspective. The day I came here the first thing I noticed, after I got out of the airport, was the cross-county cultures. The different appearance of each individual and how some of them speak a language that was not English. Witnessing people from a variety of cultures and values interact with each other as equals give me a new perspective of the world. Most important, I learn how different and unique every person is.
I have been living in the U.S for almost four years now. During these years I had developed a kind of a strange relationship with the question "where are you from?". Most people would answer this question just by saying the place where they were born or the place where they spend most part of their life. The obvious answer in my case is Peru, the place where I was born. However, there are times when saying the name of my home country does not feel right anymore. There are times when I ask myself if I can really claim to be Peruvian. When I barely know what is going in my country. When I don't longer understand the slangs that people from my country speak. When visiting my country does not feel the same any more. Every time someone asks me this question I found myself in this internal where I can't say where I from anymore. I am not from my home country anymore, but I also I am not from here. I don't speak perfect English as most of the kids who were born here do; instead I have a slight Spanish accent as most immigrant kids who just learn the language. I admit that I kind like to have the influence of both cultures, it makes me see the world in a different way, but I also feel stuck in the middle of two totally different cultures that at the end of the day mix between them and make me who I am.
I am fortunate enough of growing up with the influence of these two cultures. Moving to the U.S helped not only to accept and respect the different opinion of people, but also helped me to step out of my comfort zone. I am not the shy girl that had a hard time making friends and talking to people. The four year of living in the U.S allowed me to discover myself. I learn to believe myself and share my thought with other people without being afraid of what they may think. Being stuck between two cultures is the greatest thing that happened to me it allowed me to gain interpersonal and intercultural skills that I could never have acquired by staying in Peru. I hope one day to visit other countries and learn new cultures that allow me to expand my vision of the world.
is there a word limit for this?
I see many places where you could elaborate on certain things
If you are questioning whether you are going to be able to successfully contribute to the diversity of the campus, the answer is yes. Your story is good, although a bit troubling because you seem to be lost in the sea of diversity, not really knowing if you are still Peruvian or already American. That is the point of your essay which leaves me worried about the way that the admissions officers might perceive your essay. After all, you are being asked to exemplify diversity as a characteristic of yours and yet you are unsure about how to portray that diversity. I have given it some thought and here are some of my suggestions that I hope you will be receptive to.
While you are discussing the confusion that you are feeling in terms of whether you are still Peruvian or American, try to develop an opinion that leans towards the idea that diversity, in your case, comes from the fact that you are confused about who and how you should define yourself at this point. Diversity is all about the successful mixing of two different cultures in one person. Which is what I see as happening in your case. Your diversity comes from the fact that you are caught in the middle. Not really Peruvian, but not really American either. Discuss that confusion as a strong point in reference to your diversity. Don't make it sound like a weakness because it isn't. The strength of your response actually lies in your perceived weakness.
Growing up back in Peru taught me to see the world from one perspective.
The day I came here the first thing I noticed (take out comma) after I got out of the airport, was the cross-county cultures.
The different appearance of each individual and how some of them speak a language that was not English. <- not a sentence.
Witnessing people from a variety of cultures and values interact with each other as equals give me a new perspective of the world. Most importantly , I learn how different and unique every person is.
I have been living in the U.S for almost four years now. During these years I had developed a kind of a strange relationship with the question "where are you from?". Most people would answer this question just by saying the place where they were born or the place where they spend most part of their life. The obvious answer in my case is Peru, the place where I was born. However, there are times when saying the name of my home country does not feel right anymore. There are times when I ask myself if I can really claim to be Peruvian when I barely know what is going in my country, when I don't longer understand the slangs that people from my country speak, when visiting my country does not feel the same any more. Every time someone asks me this question I find myself in this internal strugglewhere I can't say where I amfrom anymore. I am not from my home country anymore, but I',also not from here. I don't speak perfect English as most of the kids who were born here do; instead I have a slight Spanish accent as most immigrant kids who just learn the language. I admit that I kind like to have the influence of both cultures, it makes me see the world in a different way, but I also feel stuck in the middle of two totally different cultures that at the end of the day mix between them and make me who I am. <- wordy and repetitive
I am fortunate enough of growing up to grow up with the influence of these two cultures. Moving to the U.S helped not only to accept and respect the different opinion of people, but also helped me to step out of my comfort zone. I am not the shy girl that had a hard time making friends and talking to people. The four years of living in the U.S allowed me to discover myself. I learned to believe in myself and share my thoughts with other people without being afraid of what they may think. Being stuck between two cultures is the greatest thing that happened to me as it allowed me to gain interpersonal and intercultural skills that I could never have acquired by staying in Peru. I hope one day to visit other countries and learn new cultures that allow me to expand my vision of the world.[/quote]
Diversity was something that was not part of my vocabulary until the day I came to the U.S. Growing (up) back in Peru taught me to see the world from one perspective. The day (that) I came here the first thing I noticed, after I got out of the airport, was the cross-count(r) y cultures. The different appearance of each individual and how some of them speak (spoke) a language that was not English. Witnessing people from a variety of cultures and values interact with each other as equals give (gave) me a new perspective of the world. Most important, I learn(ed) how different and unique every person is.
I have been living in the U.S for almost four years now. During these years I had (have) developed a kind of a strange relationship with the question "where are you from?". Most people would answer this question just by saying the place where they were born or the place where they spen(t) most part of their life. The obvious answer in my case is Peru, the place where I was born. However, there are times when saying the name of my home country does (didn't)not feel right anymore. There are times when I ask myself if I can really claim to be Peruvian. When I barely know what is going (on) in my country. When I don't(no) longer understand the slangs that people from my country speak. When visiting my country does not feel the same any more. Every time someone ask(ed) me this question I found myself in this internal (conflict) where I can't(couldn't) say where I from anymore. I am not from my home country anymore, but I also I am not from here. I don't speak perfect English as most of the kids who were born here do; instead I have a slight Spanish accent as (do) most immigrant kids who just learn the language. I admit that I kind like to have the influence of both cultures, it makes me see the world in a different way, but I also feel stuck in the middle of two totally different cultures that at the end of the day mix between them and make me who I am.
I am fortunate enough of growing(to)(grow) up with the influence of these two cultures. Moving to the U.S helped not only to accept and respect the different opinion(s) of people, but also helped me to step out of my comfort zone. I am not the shy girl that had a hard time making friends and talking to people. The four year(s) of living in the U.S allowed me to discover myself. I learn(ed) to believe (in) myself and share my thought(s) with other people without being afraid of what they may think. Being stuck between two cultures is the greatest thing that (has) happened to me (-) it allowed me to gain interpersonal and intercultural skills that I could never have acquired by staying in Peru. I hope one day to visit other countries and learn new cultures that allow me to expand my vision of the world.
The red highlighted words/letters are recommendations for replacements and add-ins. The crossed out words are not necessary. Good luck!
