Here's a supplement I have to submit for Hamilton college. The question simply states "Please describe your reasons for applying to Hamilton". I have a 2,000 character limit. The Essay is currently 1,999 characters long. Any constructive criticism is appreciated. Here it is:
Please describe your reasons for applying to Hamilton:
I first heard about Hamilton from a piece of literature sent to my home. I was a bit skeptical at first, since I was being flooded with college literature from just about everywhere on earth. I did briefly glance through the brochure, and was impressed by Hamilton's Diversity Weekend program. Being a minority myself, I especially appreciate when colleges make these types of attempts to integrate diversity into their campuses. I was still not interested enough at the time and decided to forego the opportunity.
I later saw Hamilton's name come up again in an article on the USA TODAY website. It was one of the colleges selected in their "100 Best Value Colleges for 2009" presentation. I was once again impressed about what the article had to say about Hamilton. Since Hamilton is only a couple hours down Interstate 90 from where I live, I decided to take a campus visit.
I've visited about a dozen college campuses and Hamilton impressed me the most by far. I first listened to the information session. I love how Hamilton thinks outside of the box! Giving applicants other options besides just the typical ACT or SAT score is a breath of fresh air. Hamilton's other main selling point was their curriculum. I'm indecisive by nature so Hamilton's curriculum flexibility and ability to practically "create" your own major are great ideas.
The campus tour also impressed me. The state of the art facilities and dining hall that serves sushi every day are great! Being a 3 sport athlete, good athletic facilities are especially important!
Hamilton also interests me because of its strong pre-professional program, pre law in particular. I plan on attending law school after college, so learning that 15% of Hamilton grads later attend law school is another positive. College is mainly to prepare one for their future career, and I see Hamilton as a great place to do that.
Hamilton fits me in multiple ways. I just didn't expect to find them all at the same place.
I like it!
Very accurately answered!
Only one thing. I feel awkward the repetition in the last paragraph:
"After my campus visit, I decided to definitely apply to Hamilton. Hamilton fits me..."
thanks! Yeah i don't think i need to say Hamilton that much.
I later saw Hamilton's name come up again in an article on the USA Today website.
I'm a three-sport athlete...
Hmmm... how about some more specific things about the school...not just fostering creativity and thinking outside the box, but things the school offers that are aligned with your career ideas. Show that you are on a mission, that you are resolute about your clear plan for the future. I like the way you write; I just think you could replace some ambiguoussentence with some clear ones. This, for example, is too general:
Hamilton fits me in a multiple ways. Its solid reputation, the unique and challenging curriculum...
thanks for the suggestions! It does fit my future career interests, its known for its strong pre law programs. I will add that in and post an updated version soon
any more suggestions?
Hamilton fits me in multiple ways. I just didn't expect to find them all at the same place. I think this part is not very helpful. It is nice to end with the line about it being a good plce to prepare for a career.
thanks for the advice!
I don't know if you mention that you are " naturally indecisive" in the essay is wise? Or maybe just because i'm too sensitive:D
You should get another opinion on this, but I really think you should leave out "College is mainly to prepare one for their future career," as Hamilton is a liberal arts college, and as such, will not want their students to use them as merely a stepping stone from high school to career. LACs tend to put the emphasis on teaching its students to have a well-rounded education.