Science has always intrigued me from the very beginning. Starting in elementary school, I loved doing experiments, learning how things work, and solving problems that required deep-level thinking. As a child, I would always find myself spending countless hours in my room, playing with Legos. Alone or with friends, I would masterfully design and manipulate these pieces of plastic into battle scenes or metropolises. Every day, I would want to create something new, something unique and unparalleled. I thoroughly enjoyed the process of building as well as the end result, knowing that it was a sole result of ideas in my head.
Later in grade school, I came to realization that I was an applicator. Citing random facts and information was not my forte, but instead taking something I had learned and applying it to a new concept or problem. When I face a dilemma, my mind will not stop until there is a solution. I believe that in mathematics and science, this type of environment is more prevalent, especially in engineering.
In all honesty, I aspire to be a doctor, not only an engineer. Nevertheless, I realize that I need the right technical and specialized skills if I wanted to pursue a career in medicine. Given my strength in mathematics and science, engineering seemed the best field of undergraduate study for me. Although I am strongly interested in the subject, I felt that an engineering background would be a solid stepping-stone towards a career in a hospital; the methodical and systematic techniques in engineering bolster decision-making and quick thinking. I hope to earn a degree and continue on to med school, a process that I know that will take some time but I am prepared to face each and every challenge with dedication, perseverance and integrity. Unfortunately, I accept that life's hopes and plans do not always pan out. Four years of undergraduate school is a relatively long time, plenty long enough for me to change my mind about my career choices. This is why I desire to be in engineering; it allows me to have a viable career that I enjoy, but also the openness to pursue my goal in medicine.
As a high school student, I do not currently know which field of engineering I want to study. However, I do know that I want to attend a university renowned for its success in the subject. Growing up in Saline, I was privileged to experience UM second hand through students I knew. From them, and previous knowledge, I realized that Michigan fit that description.
Wow, this is an outstanding essay. I loved way you described how originally why you liked science. If it were my choice, I would definitely accept you in to UM :D
The beginning is GREAT! You should incorporate your "curiosity trait" into why they should accept you, and tie it in with the main body paragraph dealing with medicine and such.
Science has always intrigued me from the very beginning
"From the beginning, I have always been intrigued by science"
Starting in elementary school,
"When I was in elementary school"
Make sure your tenses agree!
This is a great essay, and reveals, not only your interests, but your overarching curiosity about the world. However, I would strongly recommend doing a read through or having a friend read it, as there are multiple grammatical errors that detract a little from the writing.
I originally had this:
Some of the brightest people on the planet go to the University of Michigan. World-class engineers, doctors, programmers, and alike will walk out of the university's doors, yet they still have a death wish. I have yet to understand why such smart, young, individuals will throw themselves out into the middle of the street, cars veering down on them, when a perfectly good crosswalk is literally ten feet away. Is it something that is taught at orientation? Are students always running behind? Either way, I, too, have a death wish.
The University of Michigan is known worldwide as one of the most notorious public schools, and the possibilities that it bolsters are endless. The energy of being a Big Ten school, the camaraderie of watching a football game with over 100,000 other fans, the restlessness of Ann Arbor, and the strong academia are all aspects that draw me towards its campus. However, it is the College of Engineering that intrigues me the most.
As a high school student, I do not currently know which field of engineering I want to pursue. I do know that I want to attend a school renowned for its success in the subject. I imagine that when I enter college, I will still have ambiguities as to which major I want to practice. Luckily, the College of Engineering at Michigan has a first year engineering program that covers prerequisite math and science courses required for further advancement in the subject. In this time, I will be able to discover my likes and dislikes, strengths and weakness, and any other factors that will contribute to my final choice in major. In addition, a majority of engineering students are housed on North Campus. Although I really enjoy and thrive in the busyness of central Ann Arbor, I feel that being able to get away from it ever so often, by means of North Campus, can be beneficial.
The distance from my house and main campus is twelve miles. At the moment, this short of a span is not extremely appealing, but I know that I will be grateful for it in years to come. During the four years of undergraduate schooling, I understand that I will undergo extreme pressure and stress, and I believe that having a family and support system so close will be vital and will only benefit my life in the long run.
Growing up in nearby Saline, I was privileged to experience the university second hand through students I knew. Their strong opinions of the school only reinforced my admiration of it. From them, and previous knowledge, I realized that Michigan fit the description of a school I wanted to attend. They also gave me one piece of advice; make sure to look both ways before crossing.
I like how you started your essay it is confident and daring, and very enthusiastic. But, im not trying to be mean or anything, many other students will probably say the same thing you said, how confident they are and enthusiastic. I think u should really make yourself stand out amongst the by showing rather than telling. THis makes the essay seen different and will make the college admissions people look more into it. Plus don'y list what they have because they know that already. Be more specific on how those attractions appeal to you, i think taht is what they most care about. Hope I could help:)
yeah, the trouble is how to stand out...
Try explaning what got u into engineering briefly and incorporate Michigan into it strongly
The intro is very strong in my opinion. When you get into the reasons why you chose U of Michigan you may want to focus less on the superiority of their programs because there are thousands of applicants who will write about that. Try alluding to what made you decide engineering in the first place such as a short story from your childhood or a specific interest or project that pointed you in this direction.
I REALLY think you should include the first paragraph from the original. It shows personality and they will relate to and remember that much better than just another applicant reiterating how qualified they are or showing how many facts they read off the website.
Overall this is a good essay, but remember that the prompt is asking you to describe how the engineering school is right for you, not how you are right for engineering. Discuss the specific qualities of the UM engineering school that attract you to it and explain why those features are attractive to you while talking (just a little) less about your path to figuring out that you wanted to be an engineer. And since this is an essay to the school of engineering, you may want to rethink including the part where you say you want to be a doctor more than an engineer.
If you can, define "applicator" from the second paragraph and "previous knowledge" from the last paragraph.
Here are some things that might help shorten your essay:
~Cutting the first paragraph (the death note part also seems a little morbid)
~Rephrase "Science has always intrigued me from very early in my life." You can make this shorter by getting rid of the always and the very.
Beyond these surface problems, you have a strong essay here. Your love for engineering really comes out, and with a little tweaking I believe that this essay can get you into UM.
"When I face a dilemma, my mind will not stop until there is a solution"
You can rephrase that, because it sounds a little incomplete. Your mind will not stop what?
You could say something about how you have racing thoughts, or how your mind cannot come up with a conclusion, etc.
"As a high school student, I do not currently know which field of engineering I want to study."
I think you should rephrase the "I do not currently know" part with something like how you are still exploring the different fields because as a high school student you should be a little aware of the different fields. So don't say you don't know.
Also, you could replace "I want to study" with "I want to pursue".
Hope that helps!
