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"Doctor, life saver" - Stony Brook Scholars for Medicine


lynnsu106 1 / -  
Dec 29, 2010   #1
Hi guys, this is an essay for the Scholars for Medicine Program in Stony Brook University. Grammar is not my forte so I expect some mistakes...Also, it'd be helpful if you help me with the content and transitions too. Thanks a lot! I'm glad I found this site!

Prompt: Paint a verbal portrait of an ideal physician (or dentist) and tell us about the experiences that you have had which have helped to shape this ideal.

When I woke up, my mom's frightened face appeared. I was confused as my mom rushed my brother and me out of the rocking room. The lights quivered eerily and stacks of books plummeted to the ground. For the rest of that terrifying night, we huddled together in our home while the building trembled in all directions. The only things we could do were pray and wait helplessly for this nightmare to pass.

The next day, we tuned into the news about the severe earthquake that kept the entire island of Taiwan awake the night before. The 7.1 degree earthquake on September, 21st 1999 had mercilessly destroyed half of the island; once populated neighborhoods had collapsed under nature's wrath. Everywhere, the disaster victims' eyes reflected so much misery. Suddenly, in my young mind, it struck me how unpredictable and frail life was when confronted with disasters. Upon life's weakest point, what did people really need? If I were at the site of the disaster, what role could I take on?

What role can I take on? Eleven years had passed, and again this question appeared in my mind when I saw news of the devastating earthquake in Haiti this past January. There were numerous dead bodies piling up along the streets and flames burning down the already collapsed buildings; it was even more horrifying than the scene I had experienced first-hand in Taiwan. I could not forget the plea of one young woman, clutching her wide-eyed baby: "We need help. We need support." Upon this horrendous scene, an answer to the question that followed me for ten years slowly anchored in my heart.

Doctor, life saver. This is the part I desire to play: to help alleviate pain and comfort victims of natural disaster, to be one small part of the response to human suffering. I want to become someone who is able to stop the bleeding from a little boy's head injury and treat for the bone fracture of an old woman in times of emergency.

In addition to dedicating myself on the sites of natural disasters, I wish to become the kind of doctor who is not only an expert at the medical field after years of rigorous medical training, but also someone who cares about the patients as human beings, who listens to their problems, and who treats them wholeheartedly and ethically. I also want to become a doctor who is always willing to learn, both more about the medical research and from the patients' lives.

Doctors sacrifice their time and energy for the care of their patients. When they have repaired the malfunctioning heart valves of a newborn baby, removed the kidney stone from a middle aged woman, and granted an injured man the ability to walk again, all they are feeling are joy as they have brought sunshine into the patients' lives once again.
rosaliana - / 6  
Dec 29, 2010   #2
Dear lynn Su
the essay is a little too casual and too detailed. it does not describe how that horrible experience affected you and how you learned from it :) :) otherwise it's a good foundation.


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